Monday, December 31, 2007

My Band.

My Band

by Dan Jackson

put-out ads for music collabs
to what end
non-noodly, psychedelic visual rock
that's spiritual, space-prioritized
Irony/ironed buzzy post-apocalyptic

Jaco Pastorious meets Dishwasher hum

Jimi Hendrix with
no limbs except his
left-arm to strum
3 worn strings and his tongue
to press on the keys

Larry David with the soul
of Chuck Berry

Roy Orbison heard from
a mile away and
minimal amplification +
a continuous splash
of freshly oozed-out
Jello products.

Gelatinized Mudhoney
produced by Tricky

Lou Reed on life support

Sonny Sharrock plus Zelda

Arvo Part wins Eurovision
Produces new Justin Timberlake

The accrued tinnitus of a
billion iPod users, mid-
passed filtered to a
soothing, modulating,
variable rate wave.
Plus crispy hi-hats and
Smokey Robinson with a
very bad sinus infection

Russian Polka Techno
minus the Roland
beats and the
accordion. Bag Pipes
are fine.

Steve Albino/Bernie Worrell
vanity project

North Korea Stadium Tango

Sound good?

Sunday, December 30, 2007

The Grateful Dead Entire Mega-Bootleg-Discography

Okay, so I was listening to AM radio yesterday on the way to my brother's house and the Boulder station was having a Grateful Deadathon. I don't know if they do that every saturday night. It was KGNU and I can't seem to reconcile what's on the playlist. There's a playlist that says "Jam Sandwich" and you'd think that'd be when they were playing Grateful Dead. Dammnit. Maybe it wasn't KGNU. But I was pretty sure it was 13-hundred station. And it couldn't have been 1340 because that's NPR and all they play is news and that show that Laogzed has a vendetta against.

Anyhow, they were playing a song and it was really really good. It was a live song. And it wasn't too noodly; it was just a great fuckin' song. Like Neil Young at his best!!! But I'll never find it because I'm too busy catching up on 8bit Dubstep--and I do NOT want to listen to every Grateful Dead song ever made just to find that one song. I imagine that somewhere on the bittorrents there's a mega discography of every Grateful Dead bootleg in existence. It's got to be at least 1 percent the size of the whole internet. Or that percentage point that isn't porn.


I have another post, some notes about the kind of band I want to start. I have been in the STudio with Laogzed today, but he just wants to mope and listen to Schubert Lieder. Things are tough in Troglodyte land. But it's tough everywhere.

Some Sunday Wrath

"I, the Wrath of God, will marry my own daughter and with her I will found the purest dynasty the world has ever seen. We shall rule this entire continent. We shall endure. I am the Wrath of God."

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Mp3 players that record audio and have a ton of memory

I have a very large music library. It is nearing 300 GB. It's ridiculous. But that's the reality. In a few months I will be back on a payroll, and so I am contemplating purchases. All I want is a decent laptop--only for listening to music, basic internet use, and word processing. That's easy. But what I'm looking for is a magical Mp3 device that will let me upload TONS of music and also let me record on the fly.

ANd I don't give a damn about how big the LCD screen is. My 1st edition nanopod's LCD screen is as big and nifty as I could wish for. But it seems like all the rage is LCD screens? What's up with that? Kurosaw and Herzog don't translate so well at that size. Though getting this up on my iPod:

would be sweeeet. But never mind that, LCD playback drains on the battery--gimme music, gimme recording--I don't give a damn about the rest!!!!

So, I will come back to this after I do some research. For about $400 dollars I can get 160GB player by Archos. It looks very nice--and man, the field is so competitive that you'd figure that somebody would get their price down below the 160gb iPod Classic! The strategy of the manufactures seem to be to add more features. And I want a particular feature, line-in recording, and ability to play lossless formats would be nice too. But I wish there was a streamlined player with good PC interface, lots of playback options and a freakin' line in for recording! And shitty mic for kicks.

All I have to do is upload my bootlegged copy of Sony Vegas and I can make tunes without nothing but my index finger! Keep me posted.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Best Christmaskhannukah EVER!!!


Thursday, December 27, 2007

Popol Vuh==that's it??

The Popol Vuh is the creation story of the Maya. Below is one part of this story that recounts the first attempts of the creator, Heart of Sky to make humans. The story goes on to explain that the final attempt, that resulted int the "True people" was accomplished by constructing people with maize. This is a very reasonable explanation since, in essence, it was the cultivation of maize that gave the early Maya culture the means to change from hunters gatherers to their highly advanced civilization.

I have edited this sample, based on the wonderful translation by Dennis Tedlock. His book is available through and is listed below. I've also included here a few preliminary illustrations I would like to use on an interactive CD someday.


Here is the story of the beginning,
when there was not one bird,
not one fish,
not one mountain.
Here is the sky, all alone.
Here is the sea, all alone.
There is nothing more
–no sound, no movement.
Only the sky and the sea.
Only Heart-of-Sky, alone.
And these are his names:
Maker and Modeler,
and Hurricane.
But there is no one to speak his names.
There is no one to praise his glory.
There is no one to nurture his greatness.

And so Heart-of-Sky thinks,
"Who is there to speak my name?
Who is there to praise me?
How shall I make it dawn?"
Heart-of-Sky only says the word,
and the earth rises,
like a mist from the sea.
He only thinks of it,
and there it is.

He thinks of mountains,
and great mountains come.
He thinks of trees,
and trees grow on the land.

And so Heart-of-Sky says,
"Our work is going well."

Now Heart-of-Sky plans the creatures of the forest
-birds, deer, jaguars and snakes.
And each is given his home.
"You the deer, sleep here along the rivers.
You the birds, your nests are in the trees.
Multiply and scatter," he tells them.

Then Heart-of-Sky says to the animals,
"Speak, pray to us."
But the creatures can only squawk.
The creatures only howl.
They do not speak like humans.
They do not praise Heart-of-Sky
And so the animals are humbled.
They will serve those who will worship Heart-of-Sky.

And Heart-of-Sky tries again.
Tries to make a giver of respect.
Tries to make a giver of praise.

Here is the new creation,
made of mud and earth.
It doesn't look very good.
It keeps crumbing and softening.
It looks lopsided and twisted.
It only speaks nonsense.
It cannot multiply.
So Heart-of-Sky lets it dissolved away.

Now Heart-of-Sky plans again.
Our Grandfather and Our Grandmother are summoned.
They are the most wise spirits.
"Determine if we should carve people from wood,"
commands Heart-of-Sky.

They run their hands over the kernels of corn.
They run their hands over the coral seeds.
"What can we make that will speak and pray?
asks Our Grandfather.
What can we make that will nurture and provide?"
asks Our Grandmother.
They count the days,
the lots of four,
seeking an answer for Heart-of-Sky.

Now they give the answer,
"It is good to make your people with wood.
They will speak your name.
They will walk about and multiply."
"So it is," replies Heart-of-Sky.

And as the words are spoken, it is done.
The doll-people are made
with faces carved from wood.
But they have no blood, no sweat.
They have nothing in their minds.
They have no respect for Heart-of-Sky.
They are just walking about,
But they accomplish nothing.

"This is not what I had in mind,"
says Heart-of-Sky.
And so it is decided to destroy
these wooden people.

Hurricane makes a great rain.
It rains all day and rains all night.
There is a terrible flood
and the earth is blackened.
The creatures of the forest
come into the homes of the doll-people.

"You have chased us from our homes
so now we will take yours,"
they growl.
And their dogs and turkeys cry out,
"You have abused us
so now we shall eat you!"
Even their pots and grinding stones speak,
"We will burn you and pound on you
just as you have done to us!"

The wooden people scatter into the forest.
Their faces are crushed,
and they are turned into monkeys.
And this is why monkeys look like humans.
They are what is left of what came before,
an experiment in human design.

What's with Houston?

I check my sitemeter about once a week. It's just interesting to see where people are when they look my site. For a couple of months I was getting a lot of hits from Italy, people looking for the lyrics to Billy Joel's [title of song Deleted for purposes of taste and quality.] I usually get hits from NY, Pittsburgh, a few from Madrid, Massachusetts, a few from Korea--places where my friends are, and then the occasionally random places like Stockholm, Argentina, or the Philippines. Weirdly, there's always a hit from Houston, specifically the University of Houston server. Who's down there checking out the weirdness? Come on out of your spiderhole!

Btw, did I mention that not only am I perfect, I'm Finnish too. (I still don't know what that means.) Being half Finnish, half Jewish, I can't imagine one saying, "Not only am I Perfect, I'm Jewish too." It's definitely a weird Finnish thing.

Oh yes, in other news, Laogzed's world has been plunged into chaos in recent months, but it seems that things have settled down for the time being. It has to do with Gormo, collectivism and Christianity. All will be illuminatingly elucidated by Laogzed podcast in the near future (I hope!)

Monday, December 24, 2007

Ask an ICEBERG: Not only...

This is an extremely odd novelty mug that was procured or gifted or somehow obtained by some person in my family. What is the message of this (the mug, not the picture)?

Not ONLY am I perfect, but I'm FINNISH too.

It only makes sense to a Finn, not an Iceberg.

Romney's Blinky Moment?

We could only hope.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

This might be my next employer. I hope I don't have to wear a beret.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Examples of killing civilians

Look at these nifty graphs on how we're bombing the shit out of Iraq more than evah, mothafucka!

Examples from/of Class

Here's one from Leninology that examines whether a Venezuelan minister, who espouses egalitarian values, should be criticized for wearing nice clothes.

thod should use this in her class.

Yglesias ponders wearing a tie to work.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Slappy Christbass

Not usually a big slap fan. Usually it's those sharp slap-fills that punctuate crappy pop songs, or movie-house popcorn advertisements--I hate those, but this is very artful. Play this with Chris Dodd:

Do it. Play both at the same time. You can do it. Don't press play on the bass video until Ted Kennedy starts talking about the FISA Bill.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Life in the Cuckoo Clock: Lynching the Grinch

We can't end a war, but we pass this shit:


1st Session

H. RES. 847

Recognizing the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith.


December 6, 2007

Mr. KING of Iowa (for himself, Mr. AKIN, Mrs. BACHMANN, Mr. BAKER, Mr. BARRETT of South Carolina, Mr. BISHOP of Utah, Mr. BOOZMAN, Mr. BRADY of Texas, Mr. BROUN of Georgia, Mr. BROWN of South Carolina, Mr. BURTON of Indiana, Mr. CARTER, Mr. CONAWAY, Mr. DAVID DAVIS of Tennessee, Mr. DOOLITTLE, Mr. FEENEY, Mr. FORTENBERRY, Ms. FOXX, Mr. FRANKS of Arizona, Mr. GINGREY, Mr. GOHMERT, Mr. HAYES, Mr. HERGER, Mr. ISSA, Mr. SAM JOHNSON of Texas, Mr. JONES of North Carolina, Mr. JORDAN of Ohio, Mr. KINGSTON, Mr. KLINE of Minnesota, Mr. KUHL of New York, Mr. LAHOOD, Mr. LAMBORN, Mr. LAMPSON, Mr. DANIEL E. LUNGREN of California, Mr. MCCAUL of Texas, Mr. MCINTYRE, Mrs. MCMORRIS RODGERS, Mr. MILLER of Florida, Mrs. MUSGRAVE, Mrs. MYRICK, Mr. NEUGEBAUER, Mr. POE, Mr. SALI, Mr. SHADEGG, Mr. SMITH of Texas, Mr. STEARNS, Mr. TERRY, Mr. TIAHRT, Mr. WALBERG, Mr. WELDON of Florida, Mr. WILSON of South Carolina, Mr. DAVIS of Kentucky, and Mrs. DRAKE) submitted the following resolution; which was referred to the Committee on Foreign Affairs


Recognizing the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith.

Whereas Christmas, a holiday of great significance to Americans and many other cultures and nationalities, is celebrated annually by Christians throughout the United States and the world;

Whereas there are approximately 225,000,000 Christians in the United States, making Christianity the religion of over three-fourths of the American population;

Whereas there are approximately 2,000,000,000 Christians throughout the world, making Christianity the largest religion in the world and the religion of about one-third of the world population;

Whereas Christians identify themselves as those who believe in the salvation from sin offered to them through the sacrifice of their savior, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and who, out of gratitude for the gift of salvation, commit themselves to living their lives in accordance with the teachings of the Holy Bible;

Whereas Christians and Christianity have contributed greatly to the development of western civilization;

Whereas the United States, being founded as a constitutional republic in the traditions of western civilization, finds much in its history that points observers back to its roots in Christianity;

Whereas on December 25 of each calendar year, American Christians observe Christmas, the holiday celebrating the birth of their savior, Jesus Christ;

Whereas for Christians, Christmas is celebrated as a recognition of God's redemption, mercy, and Grace; and

Whereas many Christians and non-Christians throughout the United States and the rest of the world, celebrate Christmas as a time to serve others: Now, therefore be it

Resolved, That the House of Representatives--

(1) recognizes the Christian faith as one of the great religions of the world;

(2) expresses continued support for Christians in the United States and worldwide;

(3) acknowledges the international religious and historical importance of Christmas and the Christian faith;

(4) acknowledges and supports the role played by Christians and Christianity in the founding of the United States and in the formation of the western civilization;

(5) rejects bigotry and persecution directed against Christians, both in the United States and worldwide; and

(6) expresses its deepest respect to American Christians and Christians throughout the world.

via Greenwald

I wish Laogzed would just go get his friends and just eat them. This is beyond parody. Meanwhile...

This man runs free.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Start snitchin, bitches

you first.

Racism and Collectivism and Ron Paul

Here is a quote that is becoming favorite among Ron Paul supporters to quell the notion he is a racist:

Racism is an ugly form of collectivism.

Quoted from his essay "Racism and Government." This is not something dredged up from the past. This was written half a year ago.

In other words, racism is symptom of a collective mindset.

This does not sit easy with me. Hardly anything does, except a nice hot cup of Lipton Yellow Lable and Herzog flick. But it seems to me that Ron Paul's worldview is totallogically digesting a very complicated concept, "racism," and a social political problem, "racism," as if it were just a bitter pill to swallow up. Notions of class and race and stratification and hierarchies are nothing to this man. It is a question of "identity."

This is what I am extrapolating from Ron Paul's writings. Racism is an ugly form of "collectivism." And to think collectively, is to associate yourself with one "identity," and to associate others with another type of "identity."

The notion of identity is very difficult for me to examine. What is an identity? What is my identity? I'm not trying to be an asshole, but it is very difficult for me. I am "Jewish." I am "Male." I am 33 years old. What else am I? What constitutes my identity? And if certain forms of collectivism, such as associating myself with a race-related identity, "Jewish," which forms aren't so ugly? Is it racist to call myself a Jew?

Let me try to stay on point here. Ron Paul would have me believe that if I blame certain liberties being deprived from me because of my ascribed "identity" that I am not the victim but in fact the perpetrator. Those who ascribe racial identities perpetrate the disliberties.

This is such a staggeringly simple-minded approach to the whole subject.

The idea of race is a construct. BUt so is the idea of a collective, and, I would say, so is the individual. At home, in front of my computer, I can sit here and think how I am both a part of a collective, and something wholly unto myself, an individual. I think the so called "individualist" approach that Ron Paul espouses is created in order to insinuate certain things, and is a dishonest approach at viewing society. Society can be grouped into many categories, and those categories interact with each other in astonishingly complex ways. Social Science is the study of these interactions; and most honest social scientists will say that we are still in the dark ages as with regards to our knowledge about said phenomenon.

Now I agree that we must distill things, and attempt to simplify things in order to get to a working knowledge for application; but we must not simplify things so hastily, especially so that can be pressed into the jigsaw that is our precarious total understanding of the world. In other words, I say that Ron Paul is using the gospel of Libertarianism to explain the inexplicable.

And so, if you dissect what he says, like what many libertarians say, I think you will find that they are saying could be claimed, in distillate form, as "racist." What they say, and how they say it are crucial. To simply boil down racism as to an "ugly" form of "collectivism" ignores institutionalized legacies...

But before I go any further, it should be obvious what my leanings are. If I were to say I was a collectivist or an individualist, I would say the short answer is that I am a collectivist. But that's not taking the account of the complexities and shortcomings of any idealogy being put into practice. Should we value the individual? Of course! Anybody who knows me knows that I value individual creation more than anything. Every human being is a genetic aberration, and we are all definitively individual. But we are also definitively connected to everything else in this world. Whether in purely physical terms, societal terms, or in the realm of physics! The binary of individual and collective cannot be spliced so neatly.

But I think Ron Paul and others who share his worldview know this. They show themselves as persons who want to jump off the fence on the collective/individual divide, but the jumping action hides their real purposes. And all you have to do is delve into the bunker-crypts of libertarianism, look for the gold and weaponry hoards underneath their basement planks, and you'll find a collective mindset of paranoia, vigilante idealism and buried hatreds that they long to unleash in the great READJUSTMENT. Oh, how we will have wished we'd listened--you'll see, when the collective comes crashing down on us and the thin sheet of civilization that separates us from barbarous anarchy crumbles into a vaporous shrapnel dust that will choke our collective throats.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Brooklyn Tallava...

These guys are sweet.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Free Music: Post-Minimal Ambient Skronk/Needs New Glasses

If you're not easily scared, here the Tarkka Orchestra live here!

The Tarkka Orchestra Meets Rad Unicorn=Tarkka Unicorn.

Thanks, Ero, for putting this stuff up. It makes me feel all warm inside. Hopefully in the future we can make some more warmth.

ps, I swear I'll buy new glasses this week.

WFMU: The Dusty Show with Clay Pigeon

I've almost given up on my MP3s. I've got so many of them that its really really gross. It would probably do me good to get a hold of an Mp3 player with tons of capacity and portable speakers so I could just listen to them wherever I go. As it stands, they all fit on a portable hardrive that I bought for that specific purpose. A 500gb hard drive that is 2/3rds of the way full. And my friend Linda has turned me onto WFMU, a self-described "freeform" New Jersey Radio Station. I found two shows that I really like and are definitely "freeform" but also coherent. The first one is The Dusty Show with Clay Pigeon. He has a very friendly voice that overlays a David Lynchesque soundscape (I mean that in a good way) and muses on topical subjects such as Thanksgiving, the Holidays, eating, drinking, and music. Music concrete meets Prairie Home Companion, again, in a good way. Because he plays good music. For example, his last show showcased artists from Blipfest 2007 in Manhattan. This Blip music is a scene that's been percolating for a lot of years (since the 90's) but has recently exploded, as evident by use of blip sounds in the mainstream. (This dovetails easily with everything Electro.) Blip sounds are essentially, as I understand it, sounds derived from 8bit computers, such as old Ataris, the NES, and the Commodore 64. I've been using these sounds a lot because of Plug-ins such as Peach from Tweakbench, and newer ones like TriForce. But according to what I heard on the Dusty show the hardcore Blip artists don't use emulators, but use the real things. I'm not sure about that--how could you tell? Anyhow, it's exciting stuff. I've always loved 8bit sound, and I love finding out how hip I didn't know I was. Even if I could never be considered a purist. Anyhow, purity is for schmucks.

The other show is the Ed Shepp show. Ed actually commented on my blog a few years ago, lamenting that he couldn't download my tunes. Well, Ed, if you're listening, I got tons of tunes, all downloadable. Here are some of my personas available on myspace:

But thanks to WFMU, I've got a whole bunch more music I want to buy and I haven't listened to what I have. It's ridiculous. Before I catch up with Blip and dub-step, they'll have converged into a new scene.

But I love the grassroots nature of WFMU; there is little right in this world, but WFMU represents something that is right. (At least on the surface.) And that's what I feel the Dusty show is doing quite well, celebrating what needs to be celebrating, but still acknowledges the inescapable trivialities that trip us up. Let us acknowledge our hang-ups, but move on.

And I suppose we need Mike Gravel, the same way we need Ron Paul, Kucinich, as well as The Space Needle, and Garrison Keillor's horrible, horrible, horrible singing. Hillary gets worse and worse (unless I'm mistaken, she's still freaking hawkish on Iran), Obama is abominable, and well...Edwards is winning by default in the general election in my head.

It's Time For A Little Healthy Outrage!


Wednesday, December 05, 2007

The Ron Paul Episodes: IV(?)

On Monday, a person posted this on the "politics" page on the Denver Craigslist:

"[Ron Paul] and his message is the only one that I can endorse.
Limited govt, more individual liberty, fiscal responsibility, protected borders,
it just makes sense.
goverment the way our founders designed it to be. Of, by and for the people.
Its so refreshing to hear someone articulate this platform.
I dont really care about the polls, he's got my vote."

And so, for the first time, I decided to respond with Sloppy's post concerning this Presidential candidate.

And, interestingly enough, someone else responded to it with this:

"I live in Denver Colorado. I was raised here in Denver until I moved to Boulder in 1987. Boulder, even today is concidered a "hippy" town or a "yuppy" town.

My first year in Boulder I witnessed at least 2 gang related crimes. Bloods vs. Crips in Boulder 1987. When I was 17 I joined the Navy and ended up in San diego for school. Again, I witnessed gang crime on mission beach and again Bloods vs. Crips. The guy in Blue getting shot at for selling drugs in the wrong territory by the guy in Red. Scarry as hell. Then I was stationed in Philly. This town was the worst I'd ever witnessed myself. I watched a Crip in the downtown movie theater have his head blown off because the four Bloods sitting behind him didn't like him. During my year and a half in Philly. My car(RED) was stolen twice. My car trunk was forced open with a crow bar to steal my stereo and my roommate was mugged five times. When I recovered my car the second time(Without police help) Not only did the guy come looking for me(angry I'd stolen my own car back) But he also shot up my friends house where he knew I'd been. The news at the time was warning of three predominently black gangs in the philly, DC and New York areas, as well as the more famous LA Bloods and Crips.

I told you earlier that the police wouldn't help me get my car back. Well just to clairify. I knew where the car was through the friend who had his house shot up. I informed the police and they told me "If we pull someone over in the car we will return it to you, otherwise there is nothing we can do." So, I went and got it myself. This was in 1991. We all remember Icetea, NWA and the other gang rappers of the time telling us "pull out my gat(gun) bam bam.. DEAD mother F@#k$R" These guys made the kids want to be gang bangers. The LA riot was on april 2nd 1992.

I only point this out, because at the time when these things were said. The gang issue WAS out of control, there were National outcries. Not just in DC but ALL of the cities from DC to NY and LA. The television was telling everyone that these laws needed to updated. The police were doing nothing about the issue(Not that WE knew this). So, if the not so perfect Ron Paul jumped on the anti-gang band wagon like everyone did. Then so be it. knowbody is perfect. He would still make a better president then we have seen in over 100 years. I also doubt anyone could find a politition who wasn't on that band wagon in 1992. "

So, well, I don't know. I guess what I find most interesting about this is how responsive people are to this...I still see those hand-stenciled Ron Paul signs around town, and about how wonderful it is to have a grassroots effort such as that, but how misguided they might be. But I know I am too, because the candidate that I ultimately will endorse is not the perfect choice. But I guess that's what being a grown-up is all about...settling with these lowest common denominator choices and dealing more directly with the things in my life I can actually control.


Monday, December 03, 2007

New Tunes!

Christ! I've got new tunes

1. Spielberg's Wife and Children: Strange thing I did very quickly.
2. Stencil Squids: More conventional, took me a year. Still needs some work, but fuck it.

can you believe it? I haven't finished anything almost a year and a half.

and I got another tune I call "What we keep inside our heads"
featuring a sample from "12 Oz Mouse."!!

a better tomorrow ii

I am relatively old: Selective Beat Slicing; dub-step?; Life ReCycled

I can't keep up with all the genres anymore. Dubstep? Okay, sounds like a great idea. Drum N Bass/Jungle has been a guilty pleasure of mine for more than a decade, since the release of King of the Jungle, the first DnB stateside release. I bought it randomly, as I often have performed with my mysterious, sporadic infusions cash. Like all of my greatest purchases, I could not make head or tales of it when I first purchased it. I had been pumping myself up with the post-techno breakbeat releases of Instinct Records; as noted in the wikipedia article, they released a lot of Moby early stuff. They released a series of comps that featured techno rave-ups, early hard techno, and what I liked most, breakbeat based techno. I ate it up. Electronic Music has been a continuous thread of interest for me. I'll fight to the death defending synth- and sample-based music. Even if 98 percent of it is crap. 98 percent of everything is crap, anyways. Anyhow, as I was wont to do back in the day, I transferred King of the Jungle onto a cassette and listened to it as I drove around in my beige Nissan Sentra from School and back. I also frequented book stores and CD stores, such as Best Buy. Around the same time, my cousin Jason was staying with our family and he introduced Rap music to me (Via Tribe Called Quest), and I, in complement, introduced to him techno-derived music. Our previous disdain for each other's music transformed into complete absorbtion. He became a big fan of electronic music, and slowly I discovered the delights of early Hip-Hop. This was around the same time I was becoming disillusioned with studying academic music, the radio was playing terrible derivative grunge music--but it appealed to me because it was something different. I sook real knowledge, and I found it in the guise of Spin Magazine's Guide to Alternative Music. I still have the book, and I still go to it. Back in the day, it was my record-buying Bible. At the time I was listening to the heavy bands and I knew I liked the sound, but I had wondered where these people came from? I started digging Nirvana, whom I hated in 1993. It was too noisy. I had liked Pixies, via Bossanova copied from my buddy Mark--the main arbiter of taste in my life during Middle School and early High School. I didn't get into any techno music until that other early influence, Randy Buckle turned me onto some things, such as techno and Brian Eno. I started appreciating Techno when I started emulating it in my own music. I had no idea of its origins. Detroit, Kraftwerk.

So, anyway, King of the Jungle, released by Instinct (my new arbiter of taste), opened an alien world of fractured beats, obnoxious vocal samples, and smooth bass. The first track on it, and one of the best, is the [whatever]-step presager "Jazz Note." An abstract, intractably syncopated organ bass note starts it. Then it starts layering quick and light, unbroken break beats on top. It is a very effective track. Also, the opening track "Dance Hall Massive" by DJ Massive is an ear-opener, with an extremely smooth yet hard swooping bass lick that you wouldn't mind hearing all day and night, over and over again underneath a super crispy off-kilter but tight with the accents of the broken beats based on a 3/3/2 beat that would become fodder for permutation for years and years and years. (I have no how original the track is--but it's effective. And the artistry in DnB effectively submerges the notion of "derivative," seeing how the majority of it unabashedly derives its sounds from the whole world.) (Got to Ishkur for academic accuracy, I'm not the greatest Virgil to accompany you into this particular Inferno.)

Yet, when I first heard it, even though my dad's radio-shack built stereo system had very nice bass response, I thought it was too light. Classic jungle doesn't "rock" like early nineties techno. Not in a headbangin' way. (We'd have to wait for Jonny L's "Piper" for that, and it's infinite iterations.) But I dutifully listened to my tape on my car for a few weeks. At times I liked it, but (like so much much music we aren't accustomed to) it started to all sound the same.

And then, somehow, it just started to click for me. I became obsessed with the beats, and marveled at the clarity and power of its sinuously smooth bass lines. As an agoraphobic outsider, I can only imagine the genesis of this music and clubs. Somebody, I don't know, started really fucking with the beats. Once I got a hold of a sampler I used breakbeats. There was a particularly nice beat that came on a disc with my ESI-32 I played around with. I made many Homer Simpson Enchilada songs using it. (Sample some here, and here.) I remember Randy coming over and playing with the sound and he played the beat, and then in the middle of the beat, re-triggered the beat on an offbeat rather than letting the whole sample play through and then simply retrigger it after the full 4 beat count, and I realized that's how breakbeat technoists Prodigy got their off-kilter beats. I don't know if I ever told Randy that. He's the guy who always encouraged me the most, as far as my music went--and encouraged my excursion into Techno. Anyhow, from there, I figured out that you can cut the samples up, move the snare and its ghost notes go off of in unexpected places. But the big revolution in the jump from Jungle to its predecessors was cutting the beats to start on ghost snare hits, or, more commonly, on hi-hat hits. When you have a sample cut from a funk rhythm that starts on one of these light notes you can do incredible things. Run an eighth note series triggering this ghost note sample, and at the end of the sample you hear the snare, those swinging the stronger, louder snare. A total off kilter sound that revolutionized the whole sound. Sometimes these eightnote hits (which are really swung 16th notes because you have at least two notes in each eight-note hit) are faded in as an intensity building fill. And sometimes they comprise part of the main beat. Anyhow, this beat chopping is the foundation of the new style. Many junglists used a Steinberg product, ReCycle, to accurately chop up the samples, cutting the transient points accurately. I cut them just using my sampler, gradually learning how to make smooth-sounding ("rolling" beats.) King of the Jungle is a representative, text-book example of the early use of this beat-chopping and scattering. I once read an interview with master-rap producer Shock G of Digital Underground where he explained that the "melody" of rap was how the sample interacted with the programmed beats. Movie-actor Goldie mentioned in article in Keyboard Magazine that the power in the music lay in the relationship between the beats (produced to seem faster than they were) and the bass.

This being said, I should say that I was a bit misguided in my DnB producing years. I don't have the funk. Sometimes I can muster some sort of semblance of it. I can fax in the funk. But I'm more of a tonal maximal composer, for better or worse. But I did learn how to edit audio and there are a few tracks that I feel I did some justice to the genre.

Anyhow, back to King of the Jungle. It's a treasure trove of funk and weirdness. It features tracks by artists, hardly known at the time, but it seems at least half of them became stars. Some, like Roni Size, Dillinja, and Krust, super-sized stars. The Roni Size track was, as most of his have been over the years, stellar, prescient. His beats and bass roll so smooth, so hard. How could you not love it? DnB, unlike any other genre, seems to be derivative of the past and the future. It is so limited, and so unlimited. So unique, yet, like a virus, able to incorporate itself and takeover any number of genres. Besides techno, its roots lay in styles that I had no exposure to, and still am pretty damned ignorant about. Ragga, dancehall, RNB. Some junglists have liked to say that DnB was the first style of music that owes its genesis to both black and white artists. I don't know if that's true, but it's a pretty idea. I've heard that it grew out of a coke culture rather than hallucinogenics and friend-making drugs of the older hardcore rave scene. (What did Ali G say, is it true that taking E makes house music actually sound good?) Over the years it got dark, and then lightened, and darkened. It seemed to have to get dark to get new types of grooves, and then pads could overlay the dark textures, transmogrify a sense of foreboding into a sense of wonder. Powerful stuff, if you succumb to its textures. But it seems foolish sometimes too, like other unironic styles of music such as Death Metal. You can see my ambivalence mixed with love. But, ultimately, DnB is functional, and therefore claims of it being silly are unjustified.

And over the past couple of years I've been introduced to genres of music that have informed DnB. I know a lot more about dub now, for example. These mostly analogue genres seem more authentic and nourishing than most DnB. ANd that's why I deem DnB a guilty pleasure. Well, whatever.

So, Dub-step. I'm going to have to make some purchases. I heard a track from Boxcutter on WFMU this morning that was very slick, a little too slick, like some of inferior jazz-step stuff. But also had some grit, and a really nice fluid sound that reminded me of some of the better tracks off my beloved Liquid Funk comp. DnB had to slow down. I've wanted it to slow down for a long time. It just seems faster and faster. There needs to be a beer-drinking DnB. I'm looking for an Otis Redding of DnB. Or, perhaps a Led Zeppelin. I'd never ask for Lou Reed of DnB. Of the latter era junglists, Bad Company were pretty with it. Inside the Machine is an album I still listen to. There hasn't been much in the DnB world that has excited me as much since. Though Pendulum makes amazing, rocking tracks. Everything that Ed Rush touches is black gold. And Dieselboy mixes and tracks are always exhilarating. I love techno, trance, house, all of it. Especially the pioneering techno of the early nineties, like Black Dog, and the Rephlex stuff. Not to mention Juan Atkins, and the timeless tracks of Derrick May. But DnB seems to be the electronic genre that seems to have the inexhaustible ability to renew itself. Not so much reinvent. It keeps going back to its basics, the same breaks, Ragga, Dub, Reggae, RnB--and probably most crucially, Hip-Hop. It's a real cultural stew that might be so tasty because it has so many deep roots in so many cultures.

But it's so disposable too! Every track on King of the Jungle is a throwaway. Really good junk food. In that way it's similar to Punk Rock. Almost every single Ramones tune is junk in the most delicious way. What makes it junk food? It can't be pure quantity. Take Bach. Now, Bach would burn up a cantata to warm up the living room--but only in that sense is a Bach cantata disposable. Maybe DnB achieves postmodernity in a way that the Ramones could never conceive, because of its total assimilation and total irrevelance as soon as its moment has past. The Ramones were creating something that they felt needed to exist. Something to perform. They wanted to recapture Pop, and recapture youth--but it's impossible to recapture the past. DnB and a McDonalds cheeseburger has no history and no future. The Ramones are disposable in the way Warhol's soup cans are. But DnB are TV dinners for the ears. Anti-pop pop? I don't know what the fuck. I can't figure it out. Candied Garlic?

Anyhow, I am trying to enact new exciting changes in my life. Dude and dudettes, I'm in my Late Spring. Like everyone, I've unrealized ambitions. I won't go into detail. But if you know me, you have an idea of what those ambitions entail, if vaguely.

I'm listening to a DnB mix on and the MC is singing along with the bass melody:

"Dum-dumdumdumdum. Drum-n-bass no matter what. Dum-dumdumdumdum. Drum-n-bass no matter what." I don't understand the drum-n-bass MC phenomenon. Anyhow, I've got go help Laogzed with his next broadcast. Things are a bit haywire in the Troglodyte world. I got to see what I can do to help. Or not. I'm a bit ambivalent about the whole thing. Only because I'm not sure if the Trogs have our best interest in mind, despite Laogzed's insistence to the contrary.

We are AIDs

This New Yorker article is amazing.

Incidentally, Stanislaw Lem had his own take on the life within the human life, a gene even more selfish than the selfish gene: check out Imaginary Magnitude.

Klingons for Jesus

Ron Paul Krugman's worst enemy.

Fun with GE

Free Market is AWESOME. Thanks to Hank033 for showing me the light. via amadeus tonguefingers.

And don't you hate Paul Krugman and his shit-eating grin.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Fantastic Wedding Toast or Best Man Speech

This is adapted from a speech given in the Kurosawa movie "The Bad Sleep Well."

Traditionally, in making a wedding toast, we stick to the same old sugarcoated cliches. Frankly, my father isn't crazy about the aspects of (insert groom's name)'s past outlined in a detective agency report.

But then it's not my father getting married. (Pause for laughter.)

My father has to accept that (insert bride's name) is in love with him. Fact is, I love him too. We became friends a year and a half ago when I bought a used sport car from his tiny car dealership. Since then, I've learned that (insert groom's name) has a rare sense of justice.

Rumors are flying about this wedding, about (insert groom's name) using my sister's disability to boost himself up the corporate ladder. But I swear it can't be true. I'm firmly convinced of that.

Hey, (insert groom's name.) I'm counting on you to look after my sister. She's had a tough life. I may be a mess but I'd do anything to protect her. Listen, (insert groom's name.) If you make my sister unhappy, I swear I'll kill you.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Fun with Tasers

Silbur is angry about the sloppy use of tasers. Silbur talks about the bro who got tasered, Andrew Meyer (no relation), and how he wasn't a wacko, but just a dissenter. A one time dissenter myself, this has given me serious pause.

On her show one day shortly after the Meyer incident, Rhodes' guest was Jonathan Turley. One primary focus of Turley's comments was especially enlightening, and particularly alarming. Turley's concern was the increasingly common Catch-22 of our increasingly authoritarian government: police approach you about some matter; in many instances, you have committed no crime at all; if you question the police -- or do anything at all that the police will later construe as "resisting arrest" -- then the police get you for that. In this manner, the police have free rein to arrest anyone and everyone. All they have to do is come up to you, for any reason or for no reason. If you do anything, if you even continue to breathe, you may be accused of resisting arrest. Out come the tasers, among other instruments of torture. If you manage to keep breathing and live, off to jail you go.
In this manner and in many similar ways, we see how cruelty, barbarity and torture have become normalized in America. We feel no need to mention that the sun rose again this morning; it is an unremarkable, known, predictable fact, one of no significance whatsoever. And so it is now with torture and inhuman cruelty. These practices are now so common as to be unworthy of comment. The sun rises and sets; America tortures and murders, many times a day, every day, throughout the darkening years. There is nothing to note here.

This shit is scary, as James Wolcott points out. Tasers torture and kill:

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (Nov. 25) - A Canadian man died Saturday, four days after police used a Taser stun-gun on him because he reportedly was acting erratically in a store, police said. He was the third person to die in recent weeks in Canada after being shocked by the hand-held weapon.

I guess I don't want to live in that country either. I'd rather be caned.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Fun with Time Magazine; Contagious Diffusion; thod publishes

Not that we should be spending anytime thinking about a Magazine that lavishly publicized hatemonger Ann Coulter not so long ago, but Glenn Greenwald has some things to say about that particular weekly that illuminates the contagious diffusion that is the sputumous mass that is the US media. For example:

That is the real story here. That's how our political system works. Scheming GOP operatives feed whispered lies to their favorite, most gullible, most slothful and/or dishonest Beltway journalists. Gleeful and grateful that they have been chosen for this dirty task, these journalists then scamper and write down what they were told and think that, by doing so, they are engaged in what they call "original reporting" -- which means uncritically passing on what they're told by government sources. As a result, they continue to obfuscate every key political issue and mislead Americans by doing the opposite of what journalists are supposed to do.

Thanks to thod for the term "contagious diffusion." Apparently it's a geographical term. I don't quite understand it in my head, but I get it in my gut. Anyhow, congratulations are in order to thod, she has been published, academically, for the first time in RIIM, a Canadian geographical journal. I'm not sure what it's about, and I can't seem to find it online. It might be about the migratory patterns of lentils and associated phosphates. But I'm not sure. Anyhow here is a congratulatory image:

Friday, November 23, 2007

Immanentizing the Eschaton

The Nexus of Wacky! The hub of Conservative thought and Illuminati paranoia!

No offense to Discordians, but you guys are a little wacky!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

More Fun with Ron Paul: Ghostwriters in the Sky

Well, my mind on Ron Paul was decided as soon as I looked at his fundamental ideology. People seem to be attracted to him because he speaks his mind, and he wants to restore "liberty" to the constitution. Say what you will about the democratic candidates, but, ultimately, each one of them is at least in favor of traditional liberal values. You know, New Deal, Great Society, Unions, Civil Rights such as Immigrant Rights, Gay Marriage, Women's Rights (including icky abortions), active oversight on industry, all that wonderful crap. Ron Paul is not a liberal. He is a libertarian. If that means something to you, great. If not, well, more power to you. It means enough to me not to vote for him. Though I would welcome Ron Paul one-billion times more as president than I would Rudy Giuliani.

Anyhow, in reference to those quotes, I got them from this openleft post, which pulled them from a article entitled "Ron Paul's Skeleton Closet." As the article entails, the quotes were culled from a newsletter, his own newsletter in an article bylined by Ron Paul. The newsletter was not intended for the general public, but for fellow Libertarians; and it was written before he switched to the Republican party. This was 1992. Realchange puts it:

In 2001, as Paul moved to the mainstream and rejoined the Republican party, he disavowed these comments and blamed them on an unnamed ghostwriter. But when Paul ran for Congress in 1996, as a Libertarian, his opponent brought these up to show that Paul had fringe ideas. At that time, Paul told the Houston Chronicle that he opposed racism and his commentaries about blacks came in the context of "current events and statistical reports of the time." In other words, he didn't deny writing the Ron Paul column in the Ron Paul newsletter, profits of which go to Ron Paul, until many years later. Then he claimed that his campaign aides thought it would be "too confusing" to tell the truth, so he had to lie and accept responsibility.

It's all just too confusing. Just like Bush's military and criminal record, as openleft points out. So if you love Ron Paul, don't worry about it. We must be too stupid to see how he's not racist.


And for more about the legal definition of byline and ghostwriting, see this. But that's only for those stickler-types.

My regards and interactions to The Ron Paul Post

So, I was highly amused by those Ron paul quotes that sloppy gave us a few days ago. Amused because I have seen all these gen y-ers around town with their stenciled "ron paul 2008" signs hastily taped to light posts and highway signs and what not. A real grassroots campaign!

I was amused, like I said, so I decided to repost that post on myspace. Then I realized that Ron Paul was one of the few Presidential candidates that was not my "friend." So, I requested it. And he immediately responded. We are now "friends."

So, because I'm a very good "friend" and because I'm also a very part time internet rabble-rouser, I decided to send him that post. Again, almost immediately I got a response:

Nov 21, 2007 10:06 AM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]


RE: Request to Approve Comment

show me the videos or the original letters in Ron Paul's own writing that this came from. I bet my life savings that you cannot. The sources were congressional opponents who made them up in a smear campaign.

Greg Chamberlain
MySpace Moderator for Ron Paul

Wow! The system works! So, my question is, what next? Should I give him those source sites, forget it, insult him, what?

Monday, November 19, 2007

Dwarfs or Dwarves?

Friedman on 9/11:
These young men are dwarfs, and dwarfs look for tall towers to bring down, to feel tall.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Fun Ron Paul Quotes

From via Openleft:

"If you have ever been robbed by a black teen-aged male, you know how unbelievably fleet-footed they can be." - Ron Paul, 1992

"Given the inefficiencies of what D.C. laughingly calls the `criminal justice system,' I think we can safely assume that 95 percent of the black males in that city are semi-criminal or entirely criminal." - Ron Paul, 1992

"We don't think a child of 13 should be held responsible as a man of 23. That's true for most people, but black males age 13 who have been raised on the streets and who have joined criminal gangs are as big, strong, tough, scary and culpable as any adult and should be treated as such." - Ron Paul, 1992

"What else do we need to know about the political establishment than that it refuses to discuss the crimes that terrify Americans on grounds that doing so is racist? Why isn't that true of complex embezzling, which is 100 percent white and Asian?" - Ron Paul, 1992

Oh well. I guess we're gonna have to vote for Hillary. Or, as I like to call her, Hillary Clinton.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Mike Jones

I was watching the BET tonight and caught end of Mike Jones' movie The American Dream. It starred Mike Jones and it had Mike Jones music--Mike Jones is a rapper/producer from Texas and constantly reminds you he is Mike Jones. The movie didn't make sense, but I only saw the last 45 minutes. I couldn't ruin it if I tried. But Mike Jones gets a contract for his music and drinks Champagne with his lawyer and the Mike Jones crew. Mike Jones' grandmother died, and his girlfriend got beat up by Mike Jones' nemesis, other rapper guy with funny teeth. Then Mike Jones appears to get revenge by killing them. But you only see them shooting--you don't see if the nemesis and his buddy got shot--even though Mike Jones and his crew were firing at point-blank. Then it cuts to Mike Jones talking to Mike Jones' Lawyer. Then you see a woman in another scene killing Mike Jones' nemesis. She had stopped by the side of the road (there appears to be only one road in Houston) and she flirtatiously beckons them to help her with her car that is ostensibly broken down. Then when kneel over to look at the inner workings of her vehicle she shoots them both in the back with a gun. So Mike Jones' nemesis got killed twice. Don't mess with Mike Jones. So Mike Jones ends up with all his money and his platinum jewelry and a hummer bursting with gleaming rims so don't tell Mike Jones that there's no such thing as dreams turning into reality. Can't blame him. If my name was Mike Jones, I'd say it all the time, and be famous too. There's something totally solid and providential about that name, Mike Jones. Even in the hip-hop world, usually you could get away with saying your name once a song, if not once an album. But, somehow, the name Mike Jones is asking to be spoken over and over. It is such a mundane name; in the sense that Shakespeare wrote in a mundane language. Mike Jones. Mike Jones. Mike Jones. Most of his songs begin with him introducing himself, utilizing both his Christian and given Surname; In addition, in many a Mike Jones track the chorus is simply a mantric "Mike Jones, Mike Jones, Mike Jones." He also likes to give out his cellphone number. I'll have to call it sometime. I want to call it and have him answer "Mike Jones." Then I'd hang it up. The next day, I'd call it again just to hear him say it, "Mike Jones," again. And then maybe I'd say, is this Mike Jones? Yeah, he'd say, this is Mike Jones. Really? The Mike Jones. That's right. Mike Jones, he'd say. Oh! I have been made aware that there is another Mike Jones movie. I am sure that it is also about Mike Jones' life. Mike Jones.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

American Ugly: Norman Mailer

I've never read any Norman Mailer. But after reading this little essay on him by Farzana Versey, I really want to.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

A note about Laogzed's podcast

If you want quick access to Laogzed's insightful commentary on Troglodyte-Human relations, simply scroll to the very bottom of this page, you'll find a podcast player.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Number Crunching: The Chronically Delicious

(Transcript from my podcast:)

There is a fine line between public service and charity. What the Troglodytes have been doing is a public service, but now the humans are asking too much. I have looked at the human statistics, and the news, as you may have heard, is, that those humans categorized as being chronically homeless have reduced in number over the last year by ten percent. Statistical analysis only gets one so far--as human social scientists have discovered. These human researchers have asked themselves, where have these humans gone? Well, I can tell you where they have gone. These humans, or rather, should I say, these numbers have been removed from your spreadsheets by the maws of hungry troglodytes. As I've said before, troglodytes cannot help it if human flesh tastes good to a troglodyte, and, unluckily, troglodyte flesh tastes disgusting to humans. But this is a clean-up job. We are not eating these humans because we need to. Up to now, it has been public service.

Troglodytes are fiercely individualistic. We are not tribal thinking brutes. But we also know our place in the world and recognize public institutions help coordinate the activities of all creatures--and all creatures should feel bound to the public sphere to some extent. In short, we must all try to make this world a better place to live.

And so we eat the discards of your civilization. Or, rather, I should say, we utilize the discards. For we use your discarded humans in much cleverer ways than humans themselves do. This is a shame. I watch with dismay how many of your discards are simply buried to rot, or burned into useless ash. It is strange that so much fuss and capital is expended over expired humans; whilst you have so many humans, whom you define as "Chronically Homeless", who are sick and lonely and therefore unpalatable.

I am warning the Accountants of Death that if they keep winnowing their records, the troglodytes will begin refusing to do their bidding.

Let me explain the situation. In order to make your society seem more civilized, the Accountants of Death have decided that the Chronically Homeless are defined only as those who have no family or friends that they can stay with. Good, you are saying to yourself. This is a good definition. Who cares about these people? Nobody. They have no friends, they have no family, let the troglodytes eat them.

Well, let me tell you, one who would think such a thing, this is not a happy situation.

Troglodytes have long been a part of the solution to the human's so-called homeless problem. Co-existing with humans for thousands of years in your festering cities, we have done our part in cleaning things up and eating a few homeless persons here and there. Let me tell you, we have eaten our fill of old boney codgers in cardboard boxes. Number crunching, let's call it. Well, don't narrow the definition. We will eat your refuse, but only if it has flavor. The numbers with family have more flavor, and, consequently, more nutritional value to a troglodyte. If we simply ate tired old men whom nobody loved, well, I wouldn't go so far to say that the human species has become a parasite on the troglodyte one, but let's say that the symbiotic relationship is being strained to the seams!

I hope I am getting my point across. I think it might be too strong to say that the human species has become a parasite on the troglodytes. Well, let us look at the definitions of parasite. The first definition of parasite is: Parasite, in biology A (generally undesirable) living organism that exists by stealing the resources needed by another (generally desirable) living organism. The second definition of parasite is: Parasite, (pejorative) A useless person who always relies on other people's work and gives nothing back. Unlike cannibal, this word, parasite, exists in the troglodyte language. We have been called parasitic by humans for a long time, and many a troglodyte slurs another troglodyte by this defaming pejorative. As in "Leave me alone, you parasite." In point of fact it is one of the worst insults a troglodyte can level at another. For a point of reference, in troglodyte culture, claiming that one has a parasitic nature is as bad as, in human culture, referring to and exaggerating about the sexual practices of another's parent, namely, one's mother. It is a slippery slope, and doomed to a violent outcome.

So, I am saying to you Accountants of Death, do your work. Those humans who have families or friends to stay with but have no home, or even a room of their own, should be regarded as what they are, properly. Namely, they should be regarded as Homeless. And homeless of the worst sort. In the troglodyte language we do not have such a concept as "Homeless." We call these people who are sleeping on couches and floors and lawns of their family and so-called friends what they properly are: Parasites. These parasites are being fed and being kept warm. Those old men in boxes, and those old bag ladies have no families and are practically the walking-dead. But the choice morsels are those indolent leeches that live on you and have no income or self-respect. So you see that both the biological and pejorative definitions of parasite in Human English are at play here.

I know about parasites. I have a few in my own home. I cannot do anything about it. As god of the troglodytes I try to run a tight ship, as the idiomatic expression goes, but things get out of hand. And there's nothing I can do. Oh I have an outrageous example for you! My wife's cousin has been sleeping in front of our hearth for decades now. His name is Gromo. Gromo Glasan Tubalny. My wife's cousin Gromo is just dead weight with stupid opinions. And, to add insult to injury, because of my wife's insistence, he eats with us when we have supper. Every day passes, he gets stupider and fatter and lazier. He has lost all momentum. He has enough energy to get food past his rubbery lips and release waste from his stentorian bowels. What am I supposed to do with this? I would just assume load this fellow into a cart of some design when he's full of my family's food and dump on the corner of one of your city centers and let him rot, or better, used to feed the human elderly--in some sort of stew, for example. There are a half a dozen loafers in my domicile, that I can recount from memory. But if I had a choice of which sponge I'd like to expunge from my home, it would most definitely be Gromo. When he opens his mouth to do anything but eat my food, this cousin of mine says the most grotesque things. Opinions of the most foul persuasion. He is a pseudo-intellectual, with pseudo-intellectual opinions about art, poetry, politics, and most blasphemously, human matters. He is obsessed with humans, but he does not know a human language. I gave him a tape recorder and an English learning set. He listens to it and spouts such awful opinions about baser human creations, such as TV sitcoms, and progressive new-age music. He really should be executed. But even the god of the troglodytes must live within the rule of law. I must stay bound. I am part of a community. And so the hated Gromo lords over my house while I try to humbly rule the troglodytes. I am trying to convince him to go explore the human world. I am sure he will be eaten by a gorilla or maybe even a large dog if he tries such an endeavor. I would poison him, but I fear retribution even more than I fear his stinking opinions on the latest Windham release, or ECM's latest, or a rare Mannheim Steamroller that he found. God I hate him. He even enjoys human entertainer Garrison Keillor's singing. And, this is a topic that I may have to elaborate upon on another podcast, I demand that the humans either abolish the death penalty, or pass a law banning Garrison Keillor from singing in public.

Anywise, my point is, everywhere we have parasites. And these humans living just on the margins of what you deem chronically homeless. These humans have no place. Give them to me. We will eat him or her. Thank you. Now I will leave with some real human singing.

Global Warming

According to this lady:

You want to know something; one person that will remain nameless had the nerve to state that we need to get serious about population control. He even stated that we need a reduction of the population in order to control global warming. The figures he used were that the earth could only sustain about one billion and we have over six billion. He feels that a study is needed. I can bet by his opinion of population control that he believes in abortion and euthanasia. I wonder what age the genocide would have to start to satisfy this global warming radical.

The nerve of this person. How dare this person suggest we study the effects of overpopulation! All I was doing was a modest internet search about the effect of volcanic gases on global warming and I was schocked out of my gourd to discover that there are people who are concerned about numbers of people on this planet! And, because it logically follows, this person who believes in Universal Holocaust also believes in abortion and believes in euthanasia. I don't know who wrote the Bible on Abortion, but I hope they are frying in Hell!

Hillary Clinton is a Marxist

I just found out!

Ha ha. Just kidding. I love those email circulated chunks of wisdom, truth and trivia. And when I say love, I mean hate. Regardless of intent or origin.

Also, I want to let you know that Laogzed and I are going into the studio tonight to record another podcast.

How many light bulbs does it take to save the Earth?

None of them, apparently:

As you’ve probably heard, if one million American households each changed four lightbulbs to eco-friendly fluorescent, we would eliminate 900,000 tons of greenhouse gases a year. That’s less than one teragram, or about one-seventh of the emissions of just the US rice-cultivation industry.

Via cursor.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Flight of the Navigator: Redux

The other night, my wife and I caught Flight of the Navigator on the Hall mark Channel. I loved this movie when I was kid. Sure now, it's dated, but in a good way. And from a screenplay perspective it is incredibly well structured, if not insipid.

So, here's the kid fromt he movie, in 1996, the only current picture I could find on the web:

And Howard Hesseman was in the film too. I always thought he'd make a good Dad, at least in a sitcom.

I would've added links, but my computer doesn't seem to be liking blogger at the, soon...

Anyways, I enjoyed it. It's nice to get 80s nostalgia once in awhile....

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Hollywood Scab-writer Available Here!

Here's this for your sitcom script:

puke puke puke. blah blah blah. puke puke puke. blah blah blha. ha ha ha ha

(cue laughter)

puke puke puke. blah blah blah blah. puke puke puke. blah blah blah. ha ha h a. seriously, I'll take the job! I need money!

UPDATE: Just in case--this is a joke. I'm no fuckin' SCAB. I support Unions, collective bargaining--everything short of smashing the state. (Well, fuck it, smash the state.) Fuck those corporate money-grubbing scum. Fuck those bastards. Even if you write for Two and Half Men, you deserve your share of the loot. I laugh at a well crafted puke joke. I'm only human.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Still not sure.

But if Hillary wins, at least we'll have a president, finally, who cares about the French oil-industry.

I'm not sure.

But I think Hillary Clinton will be our Tony Blair. Whatever that means. Whatever that means to whomever. However it can mean anything. However it can mean anything to anybody. Wherever it means something for anyone. In anyway, in any shape--for whomever it could--and in whatever possible way it might!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Laogzed's Podcast

I, Laogzed, god of the troglodytes, have a new podcast. The subject is on wizards. Here is the transcript, as promised on my podcast. The transcript differs a little because I changed some things while Dan and I were in the studio recording:

I hope you enjoy this music. I am trying to increase the production values of my podcast. Dan said that I could put any music on my podcast, and I chose this. Someday I may go into my love for human music. Anyhow, to business.

Today there is nothing so much I need to talk about except about Troglodytes. Humans know so very little about troglodytes. You’ve probably never even seen one. You may even wonder if we even exist. Let’s put that matter to rest—if we didn’t exist, why would you have the word for troglodyte? Ha ha. I have made a joke. Obviously you have words for things that don’t exist, or at most, ambiguities, half-baked notions, and abstractions. Even a bogeyman that lurks here and there. Ha ha. In a previous podcast I discussed the ambiguities of your language by dissecting the uselessness for your term for cannibalism. But cannibalism exists in some form or another. It’s just not a useful term.

Let’s talk about the word “wizard.” Just as “lizards,” wizards are things that do exist. And I’ve noticed that there is a lot of interest in them the human world, just as in the Troglodyte one. This is good that there is awareness on this topic. But many a human I think has a flippant perspective on the matter. Let me present to you a human who has the right perspective on this matter. This is from a television broadcaster, perhaps you know him, his name Bill O’Reilly. Recently he had this to say:

[Insert O'Reilly Clip]

Mr. O’Reilly is right to be suspicious. All wizards should be under suspicion. Who, you are saying to yourself. Who is this Troglodyte? Maybe you don’t like troglodytes. Maybe you think to yourself Are not the troglodytes creatures that should humans should be suspicious of? Well, I am here to tell you that it is not the troglodytes whom humans should be suspicious of. It is wizards. Let me repeat and qualify. You should be suspicious of all wizards. Troglodytes have their own interests, and sometimes interfere in human affairs in ways that are not constructive. This is the dynamics of life, of nature, what have you. As god of the troglodytes, I try my utmost to minimize the impact of natural troglodyte activities. But, and I am talking about contemporary times, the modern age, there is nothing that wizards do that is natural. They are unnatural in the worst, essential sense of the notion of being unnatural.

We are past those days of burning witches at the stake. It is a pity. I feel that we may have entered a period where we need inquisitors to root out the wizards.

Wizards are wild. They may look quite normal. They might look like just an everyday human. Your neighbor. Your co-worker. Your children’s school teacher. But they do not have your best interest at heart. They call what they do art. I appreciate art, but not when it does damage to those things we hold dear. A wizard would tell you they have a long tradition, a noble past. They will give you a name, like “Merlin.” Or the newer, fictitious names, like “Gandalf,” or “Dumbledore,” or, even, “Harry Potter.” To be sure, Merlin was a real wizard, just as there was a real Robin Hood, a real Jesus, a real Odysseus, a real Moses, a real Buddha, and a real Conan of Cimmeria. But, as you know, the stories change with the times. Gandalf and Dumbledore are tropes played on the fame of Merlin, generated to give the impression to normal humans that wizards are friendly old men, who, though secretive, have your best interests in mind. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Because the troglodytes were created by the wizards, it is awkward to comment on the activities of wizards. The troglodytes exist, as a distinct species, because wizards made us in the old times. Most troglodyte experts not believe that the creations of the first troglodytes were wizarding attempts at creating an amphibious, and, therefore, superior humanoid species. It is moot to agonize over the merits and failures of this grand experiment. Troglodytes now exist and have existed for thousands of years. In the old days, some wizards treated us we respect. Others held supreme disdain for us. The end result was that the majority of troglodytes learned to fear wizards, because, with few exceptions wizards considered troglodytes to be “property.” Specifically, all troglodytes were considered to be the property of all wizards, and, as such, were subject to their every whim. I need not go into the atrocities committed on troglodytes in the name of the so-called “wizarding” art. Even an ostensibly friendly wizard might one day decide that his troglodyte quote unquote friend might be the missing element in his latest experiment, and wake up in the morning missing an arm, his vitals, or sensory organs. Wizarding is a dirty, dark business—there’s no getting around it.

But we troglodytes owe our life to them. And this is the painful irony that we must live day in day out. We retreated to the sewers, to the abandoned alleyway, to infinite misty nights, to escape our makers, where we remain to this day. We lost most touch with humanity. And, in the mean time, the wizards all but wiped our species out. As the inquisitors of the old times knew, where there be troglodytes there be wizards. The inquisitors knew nothing of troglodyte hatred for wizards. Only that we were unnatural, like the wizards, and that we were bad for human civilization.

Let it be known, then. Troglodytes only want one thing: We want to live. We live in the dark. We eat rubbish. We eat an occasional human child. I see nothing unnatural with these modest needs of a reclusive species. I hope but do not necessarily think you will agree with me. Hear me out, humans. Troglodytes are strange and foreign to you. But we are proscribed to the margins of your civilization, and we are content to remain there.

Wizards are not content. It is not clear what they want. I am not an expert on that. We know some things about wizards. As a rule, they hate modern technology. They hate your TVs. They hate computers. They hate the internet. I’m sure they hate podcasts. The wizards are in hiding. But, with books like the Harry Potter series, they are resurrecting old, dangerous ideas. They are making the idea of the art of magic palatable. It’s quaint. It’s nostalgia. Yes. Here me, oh humans. It’s poison. This is my warning and my plea. I beg of you, Do as Mr. O’Reilly says! Be suspicious of the wizards! Thank you. You may find a transcript of this podcast on the blog Angry and Sloppy.

UPDATE: Please note, I forgot a scrap of text in this podcast. What I failed to make clear is that Troglodytes are a result of wizard experimentation. Most troglodyte experts believe that the wizards of the old times were attempting to create an amphibious, and therefore, superior humanoid when creating the troglodyte species.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Merry victory Sox fans..

Congratulations to Denver and Boston on a great series. I am a sucker for being lured into the drama of the Sox-Rockies games, but last time the Red Sox were played for the championship I was living in a fishing village in southern Japan. At that time there was no one to share my joy with. I was left to hiking up the tallest mountain in the village where I screamed at the top of my lungs. I had only the mountains and the sea to share my joy with. And now I have the readers of Angry and Sloppy. So today I am no longer angry. But tomorrow I promise to get back in touch with my angry roots. Let's celebrate together....

Sunday, October 28, 2007

David Icke versus The Church of Scientology

Now that I've got your attention: SEX!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Only Love...

The Sox are up two games to one. For those of you seeking a break from the madness of Kinski's diary and the confessions of a subterranean cannibal Angry and Sloppy brings you a moment tenderness from the heartland of America. Well, Boston really isn't considered the Heartland of America anymore. Actually, it hasn't been called the heart land since Hawaii was officially named a state.
The Sox are up two games to zero. I am still waiting for my tickets....Isn't Aurora close to Denver? Laogzed, is there an underground tunnel, with a train system, used by your people that can get me to the game. Trolls , and any hidden wonders of the forest, hills or waters, please lead me to your magical rides so I can get to Colorado. All magical creatures, except for Unicorns because they don't exist, please guide me to that mile high city in the mountains. Drunks, please give me your cars and personal Jets, its o.k. if you offer it to me now you won't remember in the morning. Pimps, give me a ring or that souped up Lincon with turbo engines and eighteen foot wings- the one I saw in the latest issue of Wheels and Legs.
Good Luck Sox, Good Luck Rockies. May the best team win. Go Sox