Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Camel, Love and the ABM- a report

Once the poster "children" for human rights's abuses, middle eastern child camel jockeys have been shunned from their sport due to the advances of modern technology. A move that has child advocates around the world cheering.
"Oil-rich Abu Dubai..have begun using remote-controlled robot riders in its camel races in place of child jockeys." For one young Jockey this has come has no surprise.
"We knew the times were changing when we were flown to California, in the United States, to the EA Sports laboratories." Young Solman El-Din states. "For three days we were wired from head to toe and placed on ad-hoc camels made of broom mop tops and pillows." Before the young Jockey, made famous for being denied entrance in the 2007 Kentucky derby for qualifying with a steroid enhanced super camel , had the chance to participate in one final race before puberty set in. he was told to throw away his silks and put away the whip. Welcome to the 21st century of camel riding, he poised.
But one thing young El-Din did not realize was that he was part of the great Alien Black Market.
"For years Aliens had been focusing too much on selling to military." States an insider to ABM activities. "But the military didn't need Alien technology. It was too basic, not destructive enough."
For five years the Aliens sought out government officials in the hopes of making a small fortune until they discovered the Alien Black Market.
"They never thought about how their technology could be used for good. They wanted to see destruction. In the end it was all just a matter of marketing. A concept that they had no sense for." The insider states. "The ABM used their Saudi Connections. A young Sheik named Hamel Diner was the first to contact the ABM. He was simply trying to bridge politically correctness and technology together, hoping to somehow get an edge over his competitors."
"I can't say where the technology actually from," Diner states. His youthful gaze hides the secret knowledge he may possess about our interplanetary strangers. "But my connections from the EAs Sports Lab were somehow able to inject the robot with the young riders competitive DNA through a process I don't understand."
EAs Sports refused to comment on this story, and denies any involvement with camel racing. But a young programmer from the video game company did comment:
"We focus solely on North American gaming save Rugby, Soccer, Cricket, Ping Pong, and Curling."
The amazing robots have allowed the camels to race with speeds that have shocked horse breeders in America.
"It's scary," Says Kent Rockworth. Kent has been training horses for thirty years in North Tennessee. "If you see the robots after each race you see them talking to the camels. I have heard that they can actually communicate with the animals."
Indeed such instances have been frequently noticed. But few reporters are allowed access to the robots. They are quickly shuffled from the track to the stable immediately after each race.
"Each robot has it's own strength." Diner says. "They are six generations deep now. I have nightmares about them. I have even heard about robots training robots to race. There are rumors that the last great jocky Schlomo Mints from Israel was murdered by a robot because he refused to give up his harness." Diner looks down at the dry infertile ground of his homeland in the UAE. "It's out of hand," he says almost weeping. "The sport is changing before my very eyes."
The ABM insider has suspicion that aliens are beginning to manipulate the sport for their own purpose. "They may be broadcasting the sport to their home galaxies. Fixing the races for wealth."
More later.......

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