Pat Boone and the Seven Dwarves: Sneaky, Dopey, Smarmy, Angry, Sleazy, Grouchy and Dork

Sadly, No gives the breakdown. I just wanted to let you know who the seven dwarves are in Pat's rendition:

A modern American fairy tale
Posted: September 22, 2007
1:00 a.m. Eastern

By Pat Boone
© 2007

Once upon a time, in a land they called America, a little girl was born.

This little girl was so very beautiful, so exceptional, that her loving parents named
her Snow White. Truly, her lustrous black hair and limpid dark eyes were the perfect complement to her exquisite ivory skin. And as lovely as she was on the outside, she was even more beautiful within; her sweet, sunny personality absolutely melted everyone who saw her.

In her early childhood, her parents saw that she was taught all the important things – loving obedience, respect for others, politeness and ladylike behavior, and a childlike faith in God. These things she actually liked, and though she was quite playful and sunny, she exuded character and intelligence.

Then she met the Seven Dwarfs.

They'd been tagged with this name because they seemed so weird and insignificant; but they always clustered together, bound by strange, liberal and sometimes seditious beliefs. Some of them were teachers and others members of what was called a "civil liberties union." Somehow, they steadily gained and exerted mysterious influence. Their names were Sneaky, Dopey, Smarmy, Angry, Sleazy, Grouchy and Dork. [what about Sloppy, Boone --Ed.]

So, as it happened, just as Snow White entered school, full of innocence and a desire to learn, the Dwarfs managed to change all the rules. They cast a spell over the real and dedicated teachers, tricking them into imbibing a seductive potion they called New Education Alternatives; it sounded so attractive that it became very popular, coming to be known by the shorter "NEA."

Enticed by tempting promises of shorter hours, more money, lifelong tenure unrelated to performance in the classroom and even political clout as a huge voting bloc, the teachers allowed the NEA to drop very important things from the history books, to forbid absolutely any mention of God in the classroom or in essays, to promote all types of sexuality equally, even to grade-schoolers, to dictate that only evolution could be taught to explain the existence of the living world, and in general to erase any consideration of morality and American tradition.

Of course, Snow White's parents objected strenuously. They attended PTA meetings and complained that their daughter was continuously being taught things that were diametrically opposed to what they'd taught her at home, but their complaints were dismissed out of hand. And sadly, while they did their best to counteract the evil influence of the Dwarfs, little Snow White was drawn into the pervasive spell cast over the whole school system.

When she was barely into her teens, she began to experiment sexually, first with other kids and then with one of her grown teachers. Only later was it revealed that the teacher, a woman, was actually a wicked witch! Poor Snow White had been drawn into drugs as well as sex, and she soon discovered she was pregnant. The Dwarfs were only too happy to arrange an abortion – without notifying her parents. Confused and disillusioned, Snow White moved in with the wicked witch, eventually claiming to be her "wife."

In another part of town, in another spellbound school, a handsome young boy named Prince Charming was going through similar experiences. Snow White and Prince Charming would have made a perfect couple, as their parents would have dreamed – but under prolonged exposure to the same hypnotic spell, the boy was seduced by each of the Dwarfs and taught in the mandatory sex education class that he'd been born "gay." When he learned he'd contracted AIDS, he overdosed on drugs that were easily obtained just outside the principal's office, on the schoolyard.

His sorrowing parents arranged a memorial service, and everybody – including the Seven Dwarfs and the Wicked Witch – agreed he'd been just an "ideal kid," without an enemy in the world. Except the Seven Dwarfs and the Wicked Witch.

It would be wonderful if it could be said "… and they all lived happily ever after" – but of course, that would be a lie. Too many of them didn't even go on living very long, some struck down with insidious contagious diseases, which some tried to blame on uncaring politicians and hard-hearted, Bible-toting right-wingers.

The Dwarfs and so many of the children whose morals they'd corrupted traded honor and integrity and happiness for fatal neuroses and shorter life expectancy – while the very tradition of marriage and family dissolved and the reputation of the land called America was forever damaged. In the wake of so-called "new education alternatives," America steadily fell behind other nations in all areas of learning, and eventually it hardly mattered if she was absorbed into something called a North American Union. This sad attempt to merge all the strengths and weaknesses of Mexico, the U.S. and Canada – became Northern Venezuela.

This all may be a fable, a fairy tale, or a nightmare. But if it's the latter, we'd better wake up quick. Like many fairy tales and some dreams, there's too much reality for comfort.

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Pat Boone, descendant of the legendary pioneer Daniel Boone, has been a top-selling recording artist, the star of his own hit TV series, a movie star, a Broadway headliner, and a best-selling author in a career that has spanned half a century. During the classic rock & roll era of the 1950s, he sold more records than any artist except Elvis Presley. To learn more about Pat, please visit his website.

Really it needs no breakdown. As Hombre would say, "Damn tootin'!"