Wednesday, May 04, 2005

A long crap ago, in a galaxy fart, fart away

Lucas, Lucas, use the force! Let go, Lucas.

What happened?

He's turned off his computer.

Lukas? You switch off your effects computer.

I'm all right. I want to make good movies. Like the old Lukas did. With likable characters, and mythic storytelling. I want my effects covered in the blood sweat and tears of a commune of hippie geniuses. I'll hire somebody who knows how to write a good script. I'll hire a brilliant director--not necessarily young. I'll fire John William's staff and put a virus in his pro-tools and make him write in all the little dots like he did for the original movies. I'll forget this mad affair with 90's video game philosophy--it's bunk. I'll tear down The Starbucks on the ranch. You get one chance with your movie. You don't get to go back to it. Now, only at the end, do I understand. You make it good the first time. Like I used to. I know I'll never make another A New Hope, much less an Empire Strikes Back. Those movies were products of their times, infused with the ambiguous post-nuclear energy of the waning cold war years. We watched Star Wars and voted for Reagan. Obi wan or Darth Vader--choose your pick. RoTJ--that's all anyone was asking for. Computers suck. Costumes and models are cool. Duh. That's why we don't believe in the new movies. Computers worked for The Matrix because the movie was telling us that none of it was real. Well, WEE-HAA. IT'S NOT FLIPPING REAL, WE CARE A LOT, YES WE A-FLIPPING WEE-HAA DO. (I'm a worse criminal than you know what Jackson for molesting my own movies.) NOTHING'S REAL. WHOA. WIPPITY WEE HAA WEE HAA WEE HAA HAA. JAR JAR'S NOT JAR-WEE-HAH-REAL. Yahoo. Weehaa. WELL FLIPPING WEE-HAA DAMN-IT--AIN'T THAT A BROWN DONIE? Star Wars is REAL to some of us. The OLD ONE. WITH THE DIRTY MATTES. WITHOUT EXTRA DINOSAURS OR BOBA-WHO THE FLIPPING WEE HAA CARES-FETT. OLD ONE.

Wasn't RoTJ about man conquering technology? Is not form married to content? Guess what happens in the old movies--all those beautiful models they made--THEY GET ENTHUSIASTICALLY BLOWN-UP. MAN makes Pretty Things Man Blows em UP.

Now Movies?


Old: Make pretty model.

Blow it up.

You get to blow it up. ONCE.


If it (organic) doesn't blow up (organic) like you thought it would (organic), all the better (organic.) Every (kid) likes to see things blown up. Every(one) likes to see things blown up. REAL THINGS.

Nothing but pixels blow up in NEW. I can do that at home. In my mind.

(As Dave the artist from Kansas said once in only a slightly different context, Where's the religion in that?)

Actually, how's this for symbolism.

1 comment:

Zentrout said...

Yeah, so, yeah. There has to be some honesty to it...I want to rant to, and say that this is, I now realize the culmination of everything I've ever wanted to see in a movie happens to happen in this one. Everytime i saw those pixelated-precise explosions blowing up to nowhere, I'd like to think I was thinking, yeah, but when do anakin and ben fight? That's all I want to see. They couldve put that in The matrix and it would have made more sense. Argument with Starwarsnut in school and hesays that he hates Hollywood but loves the Lucas (candono wrong hesays.) And doesn't even realize that the Lucas created Hollywood. So, yes, angryandsloppyman, I agree, give us those drunken, bearded hippies in their beat-up pickups and their homegrown computers that were used to control reality, not the other way around. They had their spirit somehow, and a real bearded leader who told them that the cantina alien had to have five lines under their chin, not six.
You know, worse than creating modern holliwoood, the Lukas is also responsible for a much worse invention: the fanboy. obsessed with the storyland, like me, cause i saw the preview the other night and was inspired to buy every single one of my friends a ticket, but these guys buy action figures and they are older than me. Do they really know why they love it all so? Hell. do I?