Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Good News and Bad News

I am working now. I have a job in a library. The library of the school I got my crappy graduate degree from. The commute is hell. I hate working. I have no money right now, though. So I have to. Though I don't have enough money to pay for the train. Hopefully my credit card will work tomorrow. Actually, I have a little cash, so I'll be able to get there tomorrow. I hate money. I hate working. I hate capitalism. I know. Who complains about Capitalism anymore? I think I'll steal a copy of Das Kapital from the library. One of my roommates, not the roommate who got me my job, but my other roommate, said I should piss on the floor of the library. That might be going a little too far. Atrios said we should buy from Barnes and Noble rather than Amazon because Barnes and Nobles are Democrats. Besides, one should never piss in a library. Libraries are one of the few good things in our life. That's what kept me going today. Libraries are strongholds of enlightenment. As Susan Sontag said, Literature is Freedom. I didn't get to read the book where she said this, only I got to put the little security strip in the book so that the alarm goes off if someone tries to steal it. My roommate who works at the library and got me the job is in charge of making sure the student employees check your bag if you try to walk out with a book without checking it out. I told him that the neat little security strip was worthless if no one enforced the bag-check policy. He knew, he said. They were having problems with theft. Here's my roommate, a million books at his disposal, probably a hundred or more with information about theft, thieves, petty larceny, bibliokleptos, and he was powerless. He should watch Bresson's The Pickpocket. Maybe, also, he should be given a gun.

If I did piss in the library it would be because it owes it to me. I paid a good amount of money, and the debt collectors will be taking my blood. (A few years ago I worked for a half-deaf accountant out in the Hamptons during tax season and he said one time or more: "Everybody wants my fuckin' blood." Imagine it said in a whiney, heavy Brooklyn accent. The other thing he said many times was "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." It never quite makes sense, but is always appropriate.) So if they're gonna take my blood then I should get to piss on something of theirs. It seems only right. I will let you know if I piss on anything.

The good thing is that, due to circumstances I won't go into, I got a membership to the Moma. I have no money, but I have a yearlong membership to the Moma and also a monthly subway pass. So I may or may not be able to eat or get to my job in Westchester, but I can go and look at art ANYTIME I want. Plus I can get my friends in for cheap. If I was a proper capitalist I would be able to somehow make this power of mine lucractive. After all, Moma membership puts me in a new status bracket. I feel like a disinherited Count. Maybe there are openings I can get into with hors d'oeuvres. I looked up hors d'oeuvres to see how it was spelled.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


as long as you piss on the floor on your last day, otherwise you're going to have to endure the noxious fumes (or is it a stench?) of urine as well as capitalism. you could also deposit slc books at the moma, just for kicks. well, i'd say books that you've peed on, but only crappy books by capitalists.