Best Man Speech

Perhaps this is self-serving, but here's my best man speech from Jason and Wendi's wedding, in case you missed it:

Notes to a wedding toast

I met Jason and Wendi at separate times and in separate circumstances. Sort of. I had my first conversations with both in a defunct bar of the name The Spinning Wheel. I guess The Spinning Wheel is a common name for an Irish-themed bar because The Spinning Wheel is a famous Irish Song. Irish music annoys me to no end, except the Pogues. Jason doesn’t mind that I make fun of U2, one of his favorite bands. I told my brother to listen to Hank Williams Senior because he told me that Johnny Cash was too popular. I had a roommate, the biggest drunk I’ve personally ever known, who was kicked in the head by Hank Williams the III. Hank Williams the III has a punk-country band and has a song called OD’d in Denver. I wonder if it is true. I was a best man at my brother’s wedding in Denver almost 6 months ago. I asked my dad if I should use the same toast that I did at my brother’s and he said “well…it was a bit long-winded.” So I guess that means word on the street in Denver that I’m a bit of a bore. Well, so be it. But this is the only way I can do things, sort of go on until I run into something worthwhile.

Anyhow, what I should talk about is that sometimes in this world things work. I have witnessed Wendi and Jason’s affair from its drunken and sloppy beginnings, to its current staid and domestic stability. It was forged in the face of the threat of a terrible, sexually confused invertebrate, employment woes, blood, murrain, frogs, and the slaying of the first born. But in the midst of a plague-ridden city of doom, Jason and Wendi persevered. They both are among the most talented writers I have ever met; Wendi’s stories are as brilliant as Jason’s poetry. When I’m not around Suzanne and Ero or the Clinton’s, I call them my favorite couple in New York City. They are family to me and I know I speak for everybody here when I say that we have high expectations for a marriage that is enduring, meaningful, loving, enjoyable, adventurous, fulfilling, law-abiding, disease-free, artistic, enthralling, sexually exciting, delicious, foamy, dreamy, resonant, flaxen, meteoric, scandalous, pretty, unpretentious, explosive, fevered, sober, solvent, silky, creative, productive, producing, skillful, liberal, folksy, studious, transcendent, metaphorical, literal, iconoclastic, pertinent, random, Bohemian, salty, crafty, distinguished, pleasantly-scented, and boldly redolent of magisterial paradox. Here’s to the Irwin-Lee conjunction!