Iggy's first stage dive

Or the description thereof. Unfortunately it's truncated.

The future of strip malls

There's a moon in the sky, and it's called the moon.

Doug 4(?)

is there?

Slopmaster Sarcasmus's Update:

here's the link to Doug. I mean Mars.

Drew.

Forget it.

Doug! 3.

OkayokayokayokayDoug...

Slapmaster Sarcasmus's update:
Link fixed.

Doug! 2.

Doug. Here.

Update:

Doug!

Doug!

Slopmaster Sarcasmus's update:
Link fixed. (Note to contributors: please be neat about your sloppiness!)

Meltmasters

Life will become much more interesting!! (I knew there was a reason I read so many Sci-Fi Books!)

Good Review

A good review of Aguirre.

Hamlet has a date with an angel

All of life contained in a few blurry videos.

Related or unrelated, we're creating a monster. (I'm not a Skateshearian, but I like the reading of The Ghost as a manifestation of demons broiling within and unleashed as bloody tragedy at the very end. If the past is not reckoned with, we will all pay tribute to our ignorance, stubbornness with our own blood.)

Pizza in a Cone

Have you heard of a pizza in a cone? Now you can buy a pizza in a cone. There isn't anything special to all of this except that you can buy a pizza in a cone. It's quite simple. Take your pizza, bisect it 4 times until you have 16 pieces. Remove one of these pieces and you and fold it in half. Or, if you wish you can turn it into a conical shape by fusing the cut edges together. Basic Euclid. Even if we had never invented calculus, air-conditioning, or the solar year we would still have Euclidean geometry.

I had this idea a long time ago. Making a cone-themed restaurant. Serving all manner of foods in cone form. Of course, someone else thought of it too. It doesn't taste too bad, either. More power to them.

If moon were cookie

Angry and Sloppy's 1st Annual Youtube Contest: UPDATED!!

In light of Zentrout's recent contributions to A&S, I have decided to start a new contest. The contest is as follows: Find the worst Youtube video you can find. That's fairly subjective, I realize. I'm not looking for something so awful that it's funny, like an Ed Wood movie. But just something like this:



You and me, friends, let's plumb the depths of awfulness. Indeed, with so much information in this world it seems impossible to find the baseline of aesthetics. But I argue that no true art can be made until we can pinpoint the most awful of the awful. And I don't mean awful because it's mean, violent or stupid. At least those qualities are interesting. I'm looking for something far worse.


email me or post a link if you find something. But it must be as awful as these preceding examples, or Star Wars on the banjo.

UPDATE I.

Please email your submissions to solardriftwood at gmail.com

UPDATE II.







Maybe I should ban youtube videos that have video game footage--that's pure destiny for boring awfulness.

UPDATE III.

Kman aka Hiro-Sub Sandwich submits these two doozies:





in his email to me, subhiro adds: the spider one is the best.....take care....I've been busy trying to get reassociated with the Alien Black Market. I have a meeting in a few days. I have been attempting to get an intergalactic menu for trans-galactial travelling translated. It's been very difficult.,,

Actually, I'm sorry to say, that these two clips are automatically disqualified because they are both very amusing. I'm looking for boring awfulness, not amusement. Come on! Work harder! Get a clickin'! Let's get to the bottom of this culture!

UPDATE IV.--March 12

Okay. I might be the only one with heart in this whole thing. I've made this post my first official blog within a blog. Here are some links to some of the famous youtube wars between the big shots. Please note that most of these are not awful. They are quite fabulous because they are awful. They are amusing enough to be watchable. The best ones are gems. Here are the atrios posts. Here is a Sadly, No, salvo. To bad Atrios hasn't posted a video of his cats. (That would be spectacularly awful. Remind me to look up cats on youtube. That might where's to be found the shittiest of the shitty.) But stuff like this that he posted makes up for that:

This is almost as awful as we can get. Especially since there are people who like this. But somebody posts all this stuff. Isn't somebody categorizing and keeping record of the awfulness? Or do people only put things up on youtube that they like? It's confounding (but wonderful!). Sadly, of course, when a major blogger posts a terrible video, there's a likelihood that it'll get pulled by the youtubanistas; happily, that means, that the obvious awful things (that aren't actually awful) will get pulled, but the obscure, truly awful things will still remain rotting and waiting to be unearthed by me.

Anyway, note that many of these videos are of a political nature, and, except for this one, really aren't awful in the vein that I see as awful:

The clincher in this one is the end. It makes it so awful that it isn't really awful. So I guess it's disqualified.

Sigh. A boy can dream.

UPDATE V.

Now we're cooking with grease.


UDATE VI. -March 23rd, 2007

As one of the commentors mentions on the page:

As much of a RUSH fan as I am, and how much the lyrics are coy; a keyboard and synthesizer are the LAST things I think of when I watch medieval stuff. They totally kill the mood. This called for Celtic flutes and LOTR soundtracks, not Canadian techno. The sound of the music is far more important than the words of the music.

In other words, if you use things that intrinsically self-parodic, such as music by Rush, a live action D&D game that is video taped, and then you try to make a parody out of it, then it is pretty awful. The song or the original footage would have been much more interesting. I would prefer something that wasn't sarcastic in tone, but maybe awful sarcasm is the most awful thing in the world. What's more awful than something that doesn't even have it's heart in it's awfulness? Witness:



And yes, this is a cheap shot. But it's worse than the cat videos I've found.

UPDATE VII: March 29th

This dude has a feature of worst youtube videos of the week. Both the movies and the reviews are pretty awful. Double-whammy!

UPDATE VIII: April 22nd, 2007

This is a response to a very annoying video about Christ being the only way to reconcile our inability to solve the philosophical conundrum of induction. It is illustrating, and the guy, "Atheist Paladin" seems really smart, but his video is painfully unwatchable. It is really one of the most awful videos I have ever seen. Granted, it was inspired by something more essentially awful; and only exemplifies the typical youtube "response" aesthetic. Still, it's an argument for the increased awfulness of our world. I'm both proud and ashamed of myself for discovering this.

Pretty soon I'll be uploading my own awful videos.

UDATE IX: October 10, 2007

Here's a youtube player that I've filled with awful videos I found. I haven't made awful videos. Well, I have. But there not on a computer that is connected to the internet. But maybe they will see the digital light of day--someday. In the meantime, let's see if this works:

The bastard sons of Herzog and Treadwell

Found this one when I searched for "Jon Holen."

Spectacular Trios and Triumverates

'And time stood still' by Victor Bregeda

We all know that's how it goes sooner or later. Let's all just make it seem real.

Star Wars on a Banjo

Silent Star Wars

Fake Herzog Anecdotes

http://groups.myspace.com/fakeherzog


"After Lena and I unpacked our boxes, we set about arranging the furniture. Lena had a picture of her family from Siberia and my picture of my dear mother--these were to be the anchors of our new home. Also a woolen blanket that the man who played Huerequeque had given to me upon completion of Fitzcarraldo. (Lest I mention, that this trifle token of affection moved me deeply.) There were problems from the start. Lena and I rarely argue, we don't so much as talk, as I can tell what she is thinking--I can see through her like I can see through a tub of dishwater. But there was something different this time, I could tell. I said, "Honey, dear, what's the problem? You have to communicate with me!" My wife said, shyly, "Werner, I am unhappy with our sofa. We need a new one. And that TV set--we have the money, why can't we buy a Hi-def?" I bit my lip. "Did I mention that I didn't make a phone call until I was eighteen? Do you know what my mother did to feed her starving children after our father abandoned us?" Calmly, collected, coolly, Lena said in a icy Siberian whisper, "You forget who you have married. You're going to compare family histories? I'll match yours point for point--don't pull that sob story on me. I'm Siberian, I know who I married. I know how many movies you made. How many bullets you've dodged. But I'm still your wife. And we need a new sofa and I want a new TV!" Yes I stared down Kinski, and the guns of an elite Central African Guardsman, and an active Volcano, but I always find the inner strength of women beyond those earthly hazards. Man's soul versus woman's soul is the eternal struggle of God and Satan. Which is God and which is Satan--I couldn't tell you. It is just a feeling that is hard for me to articulate, and would even be beyond my powers to capture on film. Onward, though, I stubbornly persisted: "No new TV! This one still works fine. Last year my friend Harmony bought us the DVD player--and we have all of Kurosawa--we live like the Mycenians! How much more do you demand! And this sofa works fine! There are no more sofas like this in the world! It is a truly fine and good sofa!" Lena would not relent, however. And I was discomfited by my loss of composure. Lena was one of the few human beings on the world who could do this. And that thing inside me that I listen to told me that the moment I lost my composure was the moment that I had lost the battle. We were going to buy a new sofa. We were going to buy a new TV set. I don't know what I did in those next moments...the whole world quaked and I seemed to have lost my sense of sight even. What happens next I can't even explain--but I felt as I did so many years ago in the field of windmills. Just an ecstasy--The illusion that is LA and George Bush dissipated and I saw myself as a man with a cigarette and a typewriter, writing soap operas for a Spanish speaking audience. Would I trade everything I had experienced up until now in exchange for that humble life? I don't know. But not my Lena. I thank God on my knees for that momentary insight. I'm sorry if this anecdote has no end. I only see the beginning of it--but it is so clear that I had to share it."

Turist Ömer Uzay Yolunda

In season two, they finally get it right and change Spock's uniform to blue.

Yesterday and today: ALIEN TRACTORS

ALIEN TRACTORS


I'm sure many people cheered when Al ore won an award a the Oscars last week. But perhaps you failed to notice that we might not be on the brink of disaster after all. New technologies with new solutions are being developed everyday. And if we can't depend on former VPs and the good folks at MIT to develop strategies, both economically and technologically driven then it is time we begin to search else where. Our good neighbors North are smart enough to suggest its about time we steal from our intergalactic observers. Don't you, too? I'm not afraid. Are you?

Perhaps you remember the story of William Huxesle. A rural farmer from Nebraska who, in the early 1960's, was able to harvest two billion pounds of corn. Never in the history of man kind had any such harvest occurred. When the man was questioned by the Feds about his god-given fields they discovered that he had what some historians call a Sirus XP 3000. An interplanetary tractor believed to have been purchased on the ABM (Alien Black Market). This crop collection device not only picked, shucked and stored the corn in its two ton storage tank but it was also capable of duplicating genetically everything it held 100 fold. Huxesle was a humble man who used G-D as an excuse for such a large crop. "I'm just trying to pay my bills," his wife Gertrude remembers him saying. "And the good lord has blessed me with the best field in the universe." It was this quote which led the feds to investigate his farm. Even today scholars wonder what the real meaning behind the statement the best field in the universe really meant.

Sady, in 1965 Mr. Huxesle vanished, as did his machine. Some believe he owed too much money to the ABM, unable to meet the high fees in Beatles memorabilia that the ABM hustlers demanded. "All we demanded were locks of hair from Ringo, a couple bobble head dolls and a lunch box depicting the Beatles appearance on the Ed Sullivan show." A former ABM dealer said.

The cult of the Sirus XP 3000 began shortly after that. Tales of the legendary tractor spread throughout middle America as Huxesly's corn created a minor crash in the stock market that year. Many people remember the taste of the corn being different than any other on the market. "It tasted like cotton candy mixed with peppermint spam," one nearby farmer, asking to remain nameless, remembers. "My child began speaking in tongues. His teeth turned green, he began to read Viking epics."

This technology was great. Limitless in its ability to end world hunger, with the possibility to engage children in historical myths,we can only wonder why was such a device taken from us? And who lead the investigation? We may never know...

And what else exists for us in our endeavours to save our own civilization? We have only the Canadian government to ask. Unless we can come up with that crazy Beatles album with the bloody babies on the cover, we may never know.

(The author's reconstruction of the Sirus XP 3000 Interplanetary Tractor based from witness testimony and blue prints purchased from the ABM for an autograph copy of Julian Lennon's debut album. )

photo of reconstructed engine (built into my Yugo) from blue prints.

Craigslist: Jerusalem

This system is not just for Hair removal. You can also safely remove speckles, freckles, wrinkles, age spots, red blood streak, bottlenose, acne scarring and much more. All these units are brand new and come directly from factory. we are direct dealers so no middleman.we have many other aesthetic systems available so please contact to see what system will better suite your needs. Please email us or call us at 1-954-772-4449

The Sloppy Fallacy

Sloppy systems are often better!


Word!


ps. According to my site tracker, most of my hits come from google searches for "hermaphrodite."

pps. Where are my co-blooggers??

Pink Yoda

I love cilantro!

But if you happen to dislike it, or even HATE it, here's a website just for you.

Wonderful, Imaginative, Hateful Stuff that comes flying out

Tony Blogs.

Blood, love and jealousy in Canada.

Every other house in LI has one. It's just one sarcophagus after another out there.

Quilts rock! previous epigrams and epithets not-with-standing. (Thanks to SuperHAKerdee-A-T-XXXXX)


(Oh yes, in other news, I got my camera fixed. I'll try to get some interesting pictures up here again. Ones that I saw in person. So that you can see them. In picture form.)

Asa-Chang and Jun-Ray

Ways you can find angry and sloppy on the google internet search engine

by googling "sloppy lentils."

Before he was Kinski

Beatnik poet




Cassanova



Sinatra impersonator

Time traveler

Iggy pop wannabe

In celebration of all of our past lives. Dualality rocks!

To My Fellow Writers/Ski Photos

*deleted due to breakup*
This guy has the right attitude. It reminds me of the 24 hour ultra-core movie marathon in QueSLOPPYens.

I haven't written anything in 2 months. SLOPPY If I could get a page done every day I'd really get somewhere.

I remembering somebody talking about one of the professors at Sarah Lawrence talking about writing; that you shouldn't write emails because that takes away from your writing energy. Just writing this now instead SLOPPY of working on my novel is sapping my energy that couldSLOPPY otherwise be used for my novel.

SLOPPYIt doesn't really work thSLOPPYat way. This isn't work. If it was work, this blog would be betterS.LOPPY But it's as good as ISLOPPY want it to be. Especially since I'm not the only blogSLOPPYger on it anymore. After Pagoda I won't have an excuse. (Click that link to see a guy who will write me a recommendation letter; the hardestSLOPPY worSLOPPYking white-man in Korea. At leSLOPPYast South Korea.)

(It's funny. Most every teacher here is bitter about somethSLOPPYing. I guess teachers are a bitter lot. But one teacher who has been especially bitter because his photo was put up on a big poster advertising one of the classes--without his permission, mSLOPPYind you. I'm bitter because there is no photo of me SLOPPYon the PIP website. I'd be bitSLOPPYter if there was. It's just our way.)

Lo Siento.

Car seats and Chest hair.

Until a couple of days ago, Meyer's car seat was in the middle of the backseat. This is the safest position for a car seat, since yer protected on all sides, obviously. So, a couple of days ago, his car seat was in the middle and Amelia and I were putting our young human into it- adjusting the harness, giving him toys to occupy himself with, making requisite goofy faces, etc...it was a cold night, and we wanted to get home. We had just attended a small art opening in a posh Denver neighborhood. The art was done by the 11 year-old daughter and 15 year-old son of of one of the attorney's at the law firm where Amelia works. The art was gobs of paint in the forms of hearts on square and rectangular wood blocks. Some had two hearts, some three, some were festooned with bobby pins and needles and they had titles like, "scorn," or "two of a kind," or something like that- anyway, I was promised free food and wine. So, the three us looked at the hearts, ate and drank some, gawked at the prices- 45-100 dollars or so each...and finally decided to leave. Which we did. If I'm going to buy art, the artist better be old enough to drink or fight in a war...
So, back to the car seat. As we were seating him, I looked across the street, where there was a beautiful house, huge, wooden and modern, the doors and windows open, and it glittered to me like a very tiny sun. I looked to my smiling but sleepy son, and uttered to him, someday...and then I noticed a man. He was standing in front of the southern second story window. Like I said, all the lights were on and so he cast a strong, dark silhouette. He was tall and skinny, seemed to be a little younger than me, but not by much. He was staring down at us. I asked Amelia if that guy was staring down at us. She said she thought he was. It was starting to get kind of creepy. We got into the car and Amelia started to point at him as he kept staring at us. Amelia honked the horn of the car twice. The man lifted up his shirt, exposing his chest. We burst out laughing. I rolled down the window, yelled out, "Hide your shame!" and peeled out.

A couple of days later, I had to take my Dad, stepmom, her son and girlfriend to the airport. To fit all of them and their luggage, I had to take the car seat out. When I went to put it back in later that day, I couldn't get it to stay tight and safe in the middle seat of my car- the seatbelt is broken I think. I got very angry about this for some reason. Amelia told me I should put the car seat on one of the sides. So I put it in the seat behind the driver seat, where it is very secure. And it works out for us this week, cause we're moving and this configuration allows for more cargo space in my car.

From Madrid to Kiev

(That's a rockfish. I ate one Saturday night.)

There's a guy who's working on a movie about his 5000 km walk from Madrid to Kiev, as suggested offhandedly by Herzog in the book Herzog on Herzog. Called "more shoes."

Interested to see it. The dude got's devotion. Motivation. Play it on the guitar every Saturday night.

It's raining in Seoul. For some reason I wanted to eat ice cream and drink a beer. I hurt my jaw joint eating the ice cream bar I bought. Serves me right.

Anyhow, Herzog said that a 5,000 km walk on foot from, say, Madrid to Kiev would be worth more than five years of film classes. I imagine it would be cheaper too. So more power to this dude.

I invite the bloggers to more shoes too. I mean, the confederate bloggers. And if you haven't been invited to blog on Angry and Sloppy, please email me at solardriftwood at geemail to rectify the sloppiness. And poets, add your angry and sloppy poetry. Because there's nothing sloppier than poetry; and the best poetry is angry.

And those who have become confederates, please feel free to be sloppier. And damnier, angrit. That's what this is for.

The Escape Velocity of Love

Because what you must do to live your dream means doing what you must.

Welcome to the Official Pantheon, Captain Nowak.

When there's no more oil

It'll just be blood for blood.

via cursor as per usual.

The world we live in is made of candy bars and pepermint dreams

Angry and Sloppy supports turtle power 100 percent.

Here are three things that caught my eye.

#1 They should have known.

#2 We should have known....how f%#&$ing sick of them. If you can stand it, watch the whole
thing...poetry or robbery.....Yuck.

#3 the selling of Kinski--in case you have not been here...

No tomato is safe

Yertie the Turtle: Tomato Terminator

Breaking News on Not-Anna Nicole Smith

Everybody is linking to this. But just in case you missed it.

Our fallen child of space

Oh, what of our beloved astronauts? Once engraved in our great American consciousness as individuals greater than our selves—because, well they are. I guess they have always had that “edge” being both reckless adventurers and embracer of claustrophobic spaces, while chasing after the speed of sound , or orbiting the Earth all alone just to prove we are greater than a Russian dog.

Always our well groomed nerds; capable of solving the Rubiks Cube blindfolded with one hand while reciting a hundred and eight numbers of PI backwards as if the numbers were as sacred as the names of Ganesh. And let’s not forget those underground outer space experiments of psychic energy. Which gave all hope of a greater age.

Sure our money in the late 50’s and 60’s went to technology driven education instead of defending the Bible’s notion of evolution. Nor did it go towards America’s poor and disenfranchised, who would never be given the chance of being great enough material for a Tom Wolfe novel.
But now one has fallen.

And what should we now make of the billions spent on creating these apostles of the infinite?
How dare this commander of multiple hemispheres race though the highways and coastal towns of Southern Florida on her escapade with nothing more than a BB gun, set of wigs, knives and latex gloves. But perhaps we should commend her on her focus. After all not just any one would wear "a diaper during the 14-hour drive so that she wouldn't have to stop for bathroom breaks.”—unless like her we were also wonderfully in love.

We can only hope her last luxury was a good old bottle of home brewed gin to guide her on that final quest. Crazier than a Rick James fantasy and slightly more interesting than a Hollywood romance, she has forever tarnished my image of astronauts…and all for love.
Idiot…

A Celebration.

There are, or I should say, there were, many adventure/puzzle games that Lucasarts came out with in the nineties. In my uneducated opinion, they were all great. My brother, sister and I played most of them, those being Sam and Max, Day of the Tentacle, and most importantly, Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis. The king of games.
Being the classic slacker/nerd that I was back then, I loved the spectacle of Indiana Jones, and getting this game, which I’m pretty sure I bought at a Best Buy, begging my Father that I could get it, I was entranced. Finally, I could be my hero, my alter-ego of the mind.
Back then, we had out first real IBM-DOS computer, and my brother had taught himself everything about it. So, soon enough, he had it up and running, even though I think the technical specifications went beyond what our computer had…I think. We were always having trouble getting games to work on our computer, very frustrating, but console-based video games were usually not enough for us, we needed games with more substance, style...not something some giant conglomeration of a company spit out like day-old cheese.
Anyways, the best part of this game is that you have three options of gameplay- a thinking way, a team way, and a fighting way. I naturally chose the latter, wanting to get all the fightin’ action that Indiana Jones was famous for. And let me tell you, it was hard, fighting the Nazi’s in the caves at then end of the game was incredibly challenging, but in the end was totally worth it. Indiana gets the girl, saves the world, so on and so on!
The guy, whose name I forgot, who played Indian Jones’ voice, does an incredible job of voice acting. He doesn’t really sound anything like Harrison Ford, but he does a great job of imitating Indiana’s pessimistic smirks and manly one-liners. Early on in the game, you find a wad of gum to be used a tool of some sort, and every time you click on it in your inventory, he says, “Sure is gooey.” My sister and I must have clicked on that gum a million times!
So, if you like a game that has fantastic action, interesting and often mind bending puzzles and traps, great storyline and a great script, with fun voice acting and characterizations, than this game is definitely worth your time downloading.