Speaking of Precious Oddily Bfluids

Rippermorph: This is eerie.

And congrats on the hanging! The Old Man finally fell down the oil well. As Thod told me, they say they come in threes. I think she means deaths seem to come in three-thousand. Or sets of 30,000.



Goodbye cruel world!

UPDATE!

A Bar in Itaewon

This is before Ada got sick from drinking too much and the four of us, along with Steve, spent an enchanted, sleepless night in a Jimjaebang because we didn't know where to take her because we don't know where she lives.

Perfection: Joy Division

How I spend my days

People were asking about my life in Korea. This picture sums it up:

Congrats are in order

To my buddy Jason: he has won the Transcontinental Pavement Saw Press first book award. I didn't even know he wrote a book--well, he did. (Apparently, for poets, a book is just a bunch of poems.) Anyhow, despite the fact that he can't spell worth a damn he's a hell of poet and I'm really happy for him. Hence I have google-imaged a series of congratulatory pictures.

Klaus Socksi!

Pinochet A-Okay

Murderers is US!

Pamela versus Werner

Not sure who would win. I have yet to see the Borat movie, but I'm going to go look for it--word is it has made it to Korea. In the mean time we have Pamela:

You won't find my new release at your local cinema. My latest project is "Kentucky Fried Cruelty," an undercover exposé blowing the whistle on the cruel treatment of animals at KFC's factory farm and slaughterhouse suppliers. The video details just how horribly KFC treats chickens—birds are so crippled that theycan't even walk, live birds are forced into tanks of scalding-hot water while
completely conscious and able to feel pain, and Moorefield, West Virginia slaughterhouse
workers kill birds by slamming them against the wall and stomping on them!

and then we have Werner:

Norman Hill: Why this interest in chickens? They are in several of your films...
Werner Herzog: They are very frightening for me because their stupidity is so
flat. When you look into the eyes of a chicken you lose yourself in a completely
flat, frightening stupidity. They are a great metaphor...for me..for I don't
what it is. They reappear in several of my films. Even Dwarves Started Small.
Cannibalistic chicken. One-legged chicken. A rooster being hypnotized and on and
on and on. NH: (Laughs.) And the famous dancing chicken in Stroszek. WH:
(Laughs.) Right. That is some of the best I've ever filmed. So I don't know. I
kind of love chicken but they frighten me more than any other animal I know.

More Chick-N-Mation here. (Highly recommended.)

Explaining my last few posts

There is no explanation. I explain things all damn day long and I don't want to explain.

Play a ski game here.

Murderers are Us

Read away fellow murderers!

Closer to God: Just one more day part II

Lyrics:
Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me,
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

Chorus

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the tv off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do. With one more day with you

Chorus

Leave me wishing still for one more day
Leave me wishing still for one more day

by diamond rio

Oh God! Just one more day!

Michael Moore: Hermaphrodite?

A simultaneous hermaphrodite (or synchronous hermaphrodite) is an organism that has both male and female organs at the same time as an adult. Usually, self-fertilization does not occur.

Hamlets, unlike other fish, seem quite at ease mating in front of divers, allowing observations in the wild to occur readily. They do not practice self-fertilization, but when they find a mate, the pair takes turns between which one acts as the male and which acts as the female through multiple matings, usually over the course of several nights.
Earthworms are another example of synchronous hermaphrodite. Although they possess ovaries and testes, they have a protective mechanism against self fertilization and can only function as a single sex at one time. reproduction occurs when two worms meet and exchange tes, copulating on damp, wet nights during warm seasons. Fertilized eggs are protected by a cocoon, which is buried on or near the surface of the ground.
Banana Slugs are one more synchornous hermaphrodite example. Mating with a partner is most desirable, as the genetic material of the offspring is varied, but if mating with a partner is not possible, self-fertilization is practiced. The male part of an adult banana slug is quite large in proportion to its size, as well as compared to the female part. It is possible that while mating, banana slugs can get stuck together. If a substantial amount of wiggling doesn't do the trick, the slug's male part will be bit off (slugs do not have mouths like humans, though - rather, they have a radula). If a banana slug has lost its male member, it can still self-fertilize, making its hermaphroditic quality an invaluable adaptation.

boogie-ing

Hey, I know these people.

Pensacola Christian College

Found this gem from Jesus' General.

There are many rules, many that make quite a bit of sense to me. But this one must really bite for the sterling Christianlings:

You may not wipe "boogers" on the wall. This is being cracked down on.

Jesus Christ--how the hell do they expect them to live? How many suicides do they have there? (Not too many from the belts, though, as you shall see....)

The best is the dress code, though:

You must wear socks. [Even when you where sandals???!!!]

Except for collegian sports, men must wear "dress sweats" for any athletic activity where women are present.

A swimming suit/shorts may not be worn while traveling to the beach, although there are no changing rooms at the men's required beach.

For White Glove weekend: "Men may wear jeans and collared shirts to breakfast this Saturday, [date of white glove], because of White Glove. Stone washed or acid washed denim should not be worn. Students must change immediately after breakfast."

Multi-colored polo shirts and khakis are acceptable "afternoon" dress (see the "Who's Who" section of the latest yearbook for examples); note, though, that this also applies to Saturday mornings, in which case the morning is converted to "afternoon" for clothing purposes. Sunday afternoon, though, is not "afternoon" for clothing purposes.

You may not allow the end of your belt to hang down from the belt-loops resembling a phallus.

Meltmasters

Banana style:

This one isn't so cool, but you can at least understand what the hell she's screaming:

My Seinfeld was evil for our country...more so than Beck???

Some strange TV!! Update: check out the unedited video for some of the strangest TV. Michael Richards seems to think that his anger is symptomatic of the racial situation in the US. Ah-hem.

Government Abuse Chicken; Chop the Strange Fish

Better than Ezra Pound. ㅠ-ㅠ

Do yourself a favor

And check out Mickey Z's site. He's an Astorian, for chrissake.

Deleted scene from Borat!

Angry and Sloppy exclusive!

Some shit is gonna go down...fer sure!

Awesome! Body parts and stuff gonna be invaded with revival supernatural rays.

Pus the accelator! Break the board or ride the wave!
I wanna ride the wave...
A lot of shaking and harvest goin on.
Egy or Israel was happy time for recompense! Whatever is comin to you is comin so that's gonna be good! So make sure! The glory-realm is increasing!

The Anger Dollar

Bill Hicks, the American Kinski


Here's his spiel on smoking:

He died of pancreatic cancer in 1994.

While I'm on the topic

Suicidal Munchkins!

If you are thinking of committing suicide...

...please read this first!

The media

Wants us all to die.

from cursor

Fear Factor Part 2

Bosingtang!

If I want to get a laugh in my classes I just say "bosintang!"



Tangy!

Scroll to the bottom and you'll find the address for a burger restaurant with a very special ingredient. When I start my Korea tour company I'll take folks there before we go to the Hitler bar.

Fear Factor

via Katman!

Strange TV, eh?

This isn't Rock N Roll

This is genocide...



Rock N Roll!!

Things you should know about

How they will steal the election.

Computers are poison. Hmph. Glad I don't own one!

By the way

Did I mention that I hate my job?

They gave me a total shit schedule this time. 4 preps and five straight hours in the morning.

I hate these assholes.

What is Repo Man about?

Quoted from Alex Cox's site:

Nuclear War. What else could it be about? And the demented
society that contemplated the possibility thereof. I'd written a script
for Adrian Lyne about the effects of nuclear war in an American city, Seattle.
It was called THE HAPPY HOUR, and was never made.
Repoing people's cars and
punk rock were just the tip of the iceberg. The real mad centre of the film is
J. Frank Parnell - the fictitious inventor of the Neutron Bomb. He sets the film
in motion, on the road from Los Alamos, and, as portrayed by the late great
actor, Fox Harris, is the centrepoint of the film.
Fourteen years
later, I had a call from one Sam Cohen, who announced himself the father of the
Neutron Bomb. I imagined a cross between Jack D. Ripper and Edward
Teller in a dark Brentwood apartment, raging because there hadn't been an
intercontinental thermonuclear war... But we had lunch, and he proved to be a
charming chap.
He told me that REPO MAN and DR STRANGELOVE were his
favourite films. He didn't view either of them as a comedy. From the nuclear
strategist's standpoint, he thought they were both very accurate."It was the
quintessential neutron bomb in the trunk... what we call a SADM - a Strategic
Area Denial Munition." He and the Russian politician General Lebed gave
press conferences a couple of years ago to draw attention to the number of
ex-Soviet SADMs which had gone missing -- hundreds of them, Sam said, sold on
the black market to whoever was buying. He thought a SADM may have
destroyed the Federal Building in Oklahoma.
"The Neutron Bomb
was the most moral weapon ever devised... " Sam would insist. It turned out the
Pope agreed with Sam, and sent him a Peace Medal, for the invention of the
Neutron Bomb, in 1979.

A collection of manifestos

The Surrealist Manifesto

The Futurist Manifesto

Zizek on Lenin

A feminist-cyborg manifesto

That silly Dogme 95 thing

Pere Ubu

The Unabomber's

Herzog's Minnesota Declaration

Kim Jong Il's Blog

Back when TV was cool

The Holy Greil

Does early Sleater-Kinney, Pere Ubu, Philip Roth, David Lynch. Can't go wrong with that.

The New Torture

Is minus the snark.

via cursor.

Japan on the brain

Next stop on the Dan tour of the world will undoubtably be Japan. Here are some cursory findings of my investigation of its artifacts:

I'll have to teach English to earn my keep, so this'll how I'll do it (but I won't be so sexy):

This one is a show where they punish you for laughing; a common theme, it seems. This one has a twist of surreal added to a homey Ozu vibe.

This one really messes with mind; especially the haunting final shot.

The prank shows can be a bit on the elaborate side:


And it gets worse:

But sometimes it's best to keep it simple:

Here's some sexy:


Lastly, Shatner:

They Found The Scream!

For these scary-fuck times.

Okey dokey arti-smokey

I'm officially scared.

Youtube killed the blogio-star

Captain Kurk.

Werner Herzog eats his Shoe

Dinosaurs!!!

The Christians have a much better explanation now than "God put [the dinosaur bones] in the ground so that we'd find them."

Lots to love here. Let's start with this:

As you add up all of the dates, and accepting that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to Earth almost 2000 years ago, we come to the conclusion that the creation of the Earth and animals (including the dinosaurs) occurred only thousands of years ago (perhaps only 6000!), not millions of years. Thus, if the Bible is right (and it is!), dinosaurs must have lived within the past thousands of years.

If the Bible is right (and it is) then it's right--which it is, but only if it's right (and it is.)

Flies

Broken Camera Pictures

Most of these are from the Korean Folk Village--but you wouldn't know because my camera has decided to stop working properly!

Fascism and Sci-Fi Part 2: Life on Tattoine

Time now for life on Tattoine on the hopes that our own viewers might be uplifted by the comparison and enriched with the gratitude of relief:


Now that we live in unabashed fascist times, it's time to look at our escapism to see how we got here. I believe that George Lucas' self-suppressed Star Wars Holiday Special is unintended commentary and anecdote to the propagandistic original movie series.

The Empire has Shut Us Down!

Listen! The words of Bea Arthur are a clarion call to arms.

Run a tab for the Empire!

This cultural artifact contains the buried memory of America; before we were choking on whatever it is we are choking on now.

As the Koreans say, Even if you roll in a field of excrement, this world is better than the next.

If You Weren't Scared and Pissed-off Enough Already

Here you go.

Tingles

Overheard in the office:

I have to go piss; The one thing about it is you get the tingles and the tingles at first feel real good but then you have take a piss.

Perfection

Commando Leopard!

Kinski matches the inanity of the TV culture point for point. Kinski is inane in his own totally fascinating way. Fantastic clip. And one bonus:

I make the party in Seoul

More Julien

I got a--I got a-- I got a poem.You want to hear it? Yeah. Daddy, can I read a poem? Okay. "Midnight chaos... Eternity chaos... Morning chaos,eternity chaos, noon chaos, eternity chaos,evening chaos, eternity chaos, midnight chaos,eternity chaos, morning chaos, eternity chaos,noon chaos-- evening chaos,eternity chaos, midnight chaos,eternity chaos... morning chaos,eternity chaos, noon chaos,eternity chaos, evening chaos,eternity chaos... midnight chaos,eternity chaos, noon chaos, eternity chaos, evening chaos, eternity chaos..." Julien, cut it out. "Morning chaos, eternity chaos..." You're repeating "Chaos, chaos."It doesn't even rhyme. - It rhyme with chaos.- Oh, come on. Come on, stop that.That's not a poem. I'm not finished. - "Midnight--"- What kind of poem is that? It doesn't even rhyme.You repeat "Chaos, chaos." It doesn't even rhyme. - How about that?- "Midnight..." Shut up. Shut up. I don't like it becauseit's so artsy-fartsy. You see, I likethe real stuff. I like something like, uh, the end of "Dirty Harry." I saw this "Dirty Harry,"and the end is really-- a terrific showdown. What? There was thistremendous shoot out. You should better listen.Just listen. Grandmama, listen.Just listen. There was this shoot out. Dirty Harry hasthis bad guy cornered. I mean, he wasa real bad guy, and there's thistremendous shoot out. They're really exchanginglots of fire. They're shooting bulletsat each other and they keep missing. At the end the bad guysomehow drops his gun. It's just down thereon the bottom. Harry hovers over him, and now Harry, he is reallyfull of contempt. Harry's standing there,he's totally full of contempt, and he says to him,"We've wasted many of our bullets. Do you think there's stilla bullet left in your gun? " and he says to him, "You know, now you've gotto ask yourself a question: 'Do I feel lucky?'" At that moment, the bad guylunges for his gun, raises itand it goes, "click." He hasn't got a bullet left.And Harry blasts him away. He blasts him into a river. He knocks him off the feetand blasts him away. You see,that's good stuff. I truly like that. I don't likethe artsy-fartsy thing. I think I hated his poem.

Rescue Dawn

MGM acquires it...

I don't know anything about movies--but that means it will get released.

Black Albino From Way Down South

"Once upon a time,
there was a young man..."



Yeah.



"For your mind.
Dedicated."



"Victor's a nice man.
Yeah."



"Go, Victor.
Go, Julien."



- "Go, James..."
- Yeah.



"I'm a black albino
straight from Alabama,



way down south."



"You know, I'm a black albino,
straight from Alabama



way down south."



"Then you know
that I'm a black albino,



straight from Alabama.
Yeah."



"Check it out.
Well, salutations from Polk,



it's the up above.
There's no mistaking about the name,



- because it couldn't be..."
- Yeah!



All right! All right!



"...black albino,
straight from Alabama..."



- Go, James!
- "...way down south.



Then you know
that I'm a black albino



straight from Alabama,
way down south.



Then you know
that I'm a black albino



straight from Alabama,
way down south.



Then you know
that I'm a black albino



straight from Alabama.
You've got to be smooth.



Oh-- smooth!
What does it mean?



I feel just like the E.F. Hutton
of the hip-hop scene.



I can kick a rhyme
other MCs might miss,



and it goes a little something
like this--



Hit it-- a long time ago,
I couldn't even flow,



you know? I had an Afro,
and I rapped slow.



But I took a look
inside a book,



to find my nook in society.
I'm tired of my piety.



The plan, understand,
was to become the grand man



on the rap stand, and dish out
my own brand of justice,



'cause it seems
that when I bust this,



people gather 'round
and say, "Aw nuts!"



This Polky bust rhymes
the public never heard before.



The suckers bag the mike
and start heading for the door.



...then you know
it's a black albino



straight from Alabama,
way down south.



Then you know
that I'm a black albino



straight from Alabama,
way down south..."



Go, Franklin!
Yeah!



Back in the s, they had this
world championship



of talking birds.



And they sent all these parrots
and beals--



it's a starling type of bird
from Borneo--



and boy, do they speak well.



But the championship back then
was won by a parakeet,



a little parakeet.



And the parakeet would say,
"Birds are smart,



but they can not speak."



and that really made him



Boy, was that bird good.



You can still buy a record which
repeats and repeats his sentence,



"Birds are smart,
but they cannot speak."



and you can teach your own bird.



Maybe even dogs
are gonna talk one day.



When we were kids arriving
at the breakfast table,



we had to say a poem
and it went like this...



From Julien Donkey-boy, of course.

Note to self

I could always join a Korean crime syndicate.

My favorite quote:

J wasn't particularly bothered by this. Her new boyfriend was quiet, self-confident and preppy looking -- except for the giant tattoo of a dragon arched across his back.

Obligatory political links

These links aren't just normal links. I've been thinking lately that America has severely changed course the past couple of years. I mean, sure, it started somewhere around 9/11. But what I mean is that historians will look back to this period and look at the presidency of George Bush as the beginning of the end.

Maybe. Who knows. But here are the links.

Number one.

Number two. (You knew it'd be billmon.)

Due for a revival, dammit

Bulljumping!

Meditation in Apartment Colors

Stingrays=Islamofascists

Yep.

Is the dark age over?

Maybe.

Possibly.

Nah.

uh huh

yeah

H.G. Wells quote.

No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else's draft.

Harmonica!!!!!!

Exclusive! Video of Steve Irwin's Grizzly Death

Has annoying narration, sorry.

Go-go!

No frame of reference

Here's a post I think poses an interesting point, that Americans have no frame of reference with regards to healthcare. I would second that, with my limited experience of healthcare in Seoul, I'd say that American healthcare pretty much is awful for the common working stiff.

I went to Samsung Hospital today and the experience was pretty good. My Korean doctor seemed more concerned about my condition than any American doctor ever has.

Where I spend my time.

I spend my time at Captain Abner's.

The Facts therein. Of, more precisely.

A barbed stinger to the heart

This is truly, truly sad news. As Matt Zoller Seitz sez, revamping Star Trek is removing the essence of its appeal:

That essence includes the texture of the work itself -- the color scheme, the costume design and wardrobe material, the haircuts, the actors' tics, the optical effects.

All this world does is make me want to hate. It insists on dimming all its stars, most of all its Star Treks.

Timoth Treadwell of the Mind (and of the Lizards)

Basic Office Conversations:

Conversation 1:
A: Kelly, what's the word on the focus group?
B: I'm on top of it, they will be here at 3:30.
A: Which product will we be testing today?
B: They will sample our new lotion and fill out our survey.
A: Kelly, please do me a favor?
B: Sure, what can I do for you?
A: When you have time, can you balance the Kim books?
B: Sure, I'll do it right away.

Notes:
Focus group: Before a market launch of a new product, some companies use focus groups (a sample of people that fit the target demographic profile of their target market). Usually multiple (more than one) focus group is used.

They will normally test a product and give their opinions and the company will make changes according to the focus group survey.

A Survey is a questionnaire that a company will ask to see how people feel about products, issues, etc.

*When the boss says, "When you have time", it means to do it right away.

Conversation 2:
A: What's my schedule for the day?
B: You have a 2:15
A: Will you clear my schedule and hold my calls?
B: It's done, anything else I can do for you?
A: No, that'll be all, thank you.
B: Where shall I say you'll be?
A: I'll be at the plant, there was a power outage there.
B: Will do.

Notes:
Clear my schedule means cancel all the day's appointment.
Hold my Calls – Take messages or forward calls to voice mail.

Crocodile Tears

And his heart goes out to a stingray...

That's what we get for worshipping false heroes. (Alternate title for this post is Jesus Lizard Wept.)

Genius

Richard Hell on your American Apparel.

Incidentally, I've seen in small quantities Velvet Underground, Sonic Youth and Joy Division t-shirts in K-land.

Remembrance of Links Past

Well, these days, if you're reading Proust, I suppose you should blog about him, why else am I reading him?

Where to begin? Well, I am reading him in 70 page chunks, and I'm almost done with volume 5. At times I think it's the most amazing thing I've read, and sometimes I don't. I suppose that's why he's Proust. He could come up with something a little more interesting than it's "amazing" or "not amazing" to describe a book. Really, I'm learning a lot. Sometimes I think that there are so many pages that one can't but help but feel changed after reading it. And we get to be a part of this club of people who have read Proust. Why? It's not like anybody I've ever met who was really quite superior and I'd want to be like them have ever read the whole of Proust. I've met a few people, mostly academic types who have. I admire them, and at some level I suppose I have to emulate them, and so that's why I'm reading Proust. Also, to make myself feel better than other people, I guess. I don't know, really. I'm glad I'm doing it. The last two books have gone on and on about Jealousy, and I suppose one can. I actually started skipping some pages because I couldn't handle much more about Jealousy.

Here's a good Scott Walker interview with Jon Savage.